Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Jeees Berg its 20 past two in the morning--- for you any way. Get to bed young man you've got school in the morning.
come on, im turning off the light,--- berg you coming or what?

 

Boat jokes

Nah Frosty - 1.30 am - I'm just about to start work....But nighty night old son....Kissy kissy....

 

Yaaaawwwn -----stretch ahhh good morning,--mmmm whats the weather like? ooohh could be a nice day, WAKE UP BERG--get the kettle on.

 

That's a bit harsh. As long as she removes them at the appropriate times, it seems she shouldn't need permission.

 

Sheetwise that comment sux

Poida

 

Fishing warden's out on patrol one day, and he comes across this old gomer sitting in a handsome little skiff, line over the side. As he comes closer to ask for a fishing license, he sees this geezer's cheeks are moist with tears.

He brings the boat alongside and says, "Hey, old-timer, what seems to be the problem."

Granddad snuffles moistly, wipes his eyes, and says, "Well, young man, it's like this. About six months ago, I fell in love with my granddaughter's best friend, and she with me, so we got married. What a girl! We live on-board my Tahiti ketch and she wouldn't have it any other way. In fact, she bought me this skiff and uses my old jonboat to get back and forth to her job as an aerobics instructor. At night, she comes home and cooks me fabulous meals. Now, I ain't as spry as I once were, but three or four times a week we make sweet sweet love rocked in the cradle of the deeps."

The warden looks at him in astonishment and says, "Well, I don't mind telling you that sounds like a heckuva deal to me! So why are you out here in the middle of the bay crying to yourself?"

"I can't remember where I live!"

 

Don't let this happen to you

A bum, who obviously has seen more than his share of hard times, approached a well dressed gentleman on the street.

"Hey, buddy, can you spare two dollars?"
The well-dressed gentleman responds, "You are not going to spend it on liquor are you?"
"No, sir, I don't drink," retorts the bum.

"You are not going to throw it away in some card game, are you?" asks the gentleman.
"No way, I don't gamble," answers the bum. "

You wouldn't waste the money for fishing gear, flies, boots or rods, would you?" asks the man.
"Never," says the bum, "I don't fish."

The man asks the bum if he would like to come home with him for a home cooked meal.The bum accepts eagerly.

While they are heading for the man's house, the bum's curiosity gets the better of him. "Isn't your wife going to be angry when she sees a guy like me at your table?"
"Probably," says the man, "but it will be worth it. I want her to see what happens to a guy who doesn't drink, fish or gamble''

 

Another Blonde ...

[FONT=times new roman,helvetica]Boat troubles

During late spring one year, a blonde was trying out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried.

After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem.

Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So, a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.
[/FONT]

 

Puppy Love

The woman quickly realized that the large wave had unceremoniously dispatched the top part of her bikini into the deep.

More than a little embarrassed, she clasped her arms across her chest and made a dash for her car. She could sense everyone gawking at her along the way.

Upon entering the parking lot a little boy, who was following his mother to the beach asked, pointing to her arms, "Are you carrying puppies in there?",

Not wanting to explain what had really happened, the woman replied, " Why yes, yes they are. She quickly moved on but heard the boy shout after her, "If you're giving them away I'll take the one with the pink nose!"

 

God commanded "Thou shalt not kill"
What is the penalty for murder, death.
......am I missing something or should I just go have another dose of my medicine?

 

Fish Story

Ole (who is Norse) and Sven (who is Swede) had been neighbors for many years in Rice Lake and got along fairly well despite their different nationalities. Sven was weeding his front flower bed one day and Ole drove up to his home, parked, and got out carrying his wader boots, rod and tackle, and creel. Sven looked up and said: "By golly, Ole, I tank you been fishing". Ole replied: "Yure preetty smart for a Swede, Sven. If you can tell me how many I've caught, I'll give you all three of 'em". "Oh, well, Ole" said Sven, "You ain't much of a fisherman. I tank you only caught one".

 

An American lawer goes to england and hires a car. Hes driving around as you do and a police man stops him at the side of the road. The policeman says driving license and registration please , the septic says why? The police man says because you didnt stop at the junction, you just slowed down. the clever lawer says "so,-- its the same thing",--"No it isnt,- driving license and registration please".
The clever septic says look if you can explain to me the difference I will gladly give you my license and registration.

The Policeman says "Ok thats fair enough,--get out of the car please sir", so the clever lawer gets out of the car. The police man gets his truncheon out and starts beating him on the head and says "now do you want me to stop or slow down?

 

Boat jokes

Why pick on the poor Americans Frosty ? I'm sure they'd do the same if was a Brit lawyer...Only the policeman would suddenly feign deafness....

 

It was actually a Scottish lawer Berg, but I altered it because Scotts cant take a joke so I used the *******.

 

Good one, Frosty!

I know you had to throw in the token "make fun of the septic" part, but it's a good one on lawyers.