Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Basically, Tom Selleck would have been unstoppable force in American Politics....

 

I think Tom is inspired by Socrates . . :idea:​

 

An ancient Greek goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: “Euripides?” he replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”

 

W9GFO : The end is apotheosis.

 

No joke either, a beard itches! I tried it for a week. No fun, I couldn't sleep because a beard itches.

 

No they don't.

I tried one for 40 years.
Shaved it off once - never itched even then.

 

https://out.reddit.com/t3_5n917c?ur...TdHF0J5U0ejXx2lzJXmTPJDky&app_name=reddit.com

 

Colorado hit by twin disasters: wildfires and huge herd of cattle loose in marijuana growing country, for the local economy the steaks have never been higher

 

So Han Solo and Chewbacca are in the cantina looking to blow off a little steam,

In walks a Stormtrooper and Han gestures him to come over,
He nods towards Chewy and says "My friend here thinks you're a bit short for a stormtrooper!" (yes I know that was originally a princess leia quote)

The trooper replies "I'm 188 cm ?" at which point chewy stands up and is much taller, he punches him a couple of times and them picks him up and throws him through the window...

Chewy sits back down and the pair continue drinking.

An hour or so passes and another Stormtrooper enters the bar and Han gestures him to come over,
He nods towards Chewy and says "My friend here thinks you're a bit short for a stormtrooper!"

The trooper replies "I'm 1 metre 91 ?" at which point chewy stands up punches him a couple of times and them picks him up and throws him through the window before going back to his drink...

Later on and another Stormtrooper enters the bar and Han gestures him to come over,
He nods towards Chewy and says "My friend here thinks you're a bit short for a stormtrooper!"

The trooper replies "I'm 6 foot 3 !" at which point chewy stands up to punch him but though he lands a good punch it has no effect on the trooper who responds with a couple of blows to Chewbacca gut, winding him for a moment. Han is reaching for his blaster but the trooper kicks the table whos edge impacts squarely into Hans lower ribs with a crunch. His attention goes back to the wookie, and he doubles him over with another punch before grabbing his head and kneeing him in the face a couple of times, elbowing him in the back of the neck and finally smashing his face into the table with such force that the table breaks in two and the wookie is left unconscious in a pile of splintered wood and broken glassware. As he walks out Han is clutching his ribs but the trooper kicks him a couple of times and knocks him out too with a final punch.

Ten minutes later Luke walks in and is met with the sight of a dazed and bandaged Han holding an icepack to his head just above a black eye and a couple of the bar girls swabbing matted blood from Chewbaccas' various wounds.
Luke shoots a puzzled look to the barman who shrugs and replies, "They picked a fight with an IMPERIAL Stormtrooper"

 

Welcome back Fanie

How was that small trimaran you built some years ago?

 

And of course since Russia became more known...

 

Hello Upchurch, it was ok for something that was built in a few days. in the meantime the economy got buggered up.

 

Jacob Zuma met with the Queen of England.
He asked her, "How do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips u can give to me? I want to help South Africa."
"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Jacob frowned, and then asked,"But how do i know the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen replied, "Oh, that's easy, you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."
The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send David Cameron in here, would you?"
David Cameron walked into the room and said,"Yes, your majesty?"
The Queen smiled and said, "Answer this riddle. David, your mother and father have a child, it is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a minute David Cameron answered, "that would be me."
"Yes, very good," said the Queen.
Jacob went back home to ask his Vice President Cyril Ramaphosa.
Jacob: Answer this. Your mother and your father have a child, it's not your brother and it's not your sister, who is it?
Cyril: "I'm not sure, let me get back to you."
He asked all his staff in the Office but none could give him an answer.
Finally, one day, VP Cyril ran into Hellen Zille.
Cyril: hey, Zille! Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or sister, who is it?"
Hellen answered sharply, "That's easy, its me!"
Cyril smiled,and said "Thanks!"
Then he went back to speak with President Zuma.
Cyril: Sir, I have the answer to that riddle, It's Hellen Zille!!
Jacob Zuma got angry,he said to Cyril Ramaphosa. "No wonder South Africa isn't moving forward, I am surrounded by idiots!!
The answer is David Cameron!"


Donald Trump wants the white house painted!
1. Chinese guy quoted 3 million
2. European guy quoted 7 million
3. Zuma quoted 10 million.

Trump asked Chinese how did you quote?
He said:
1 million for paint
1 million for labour
1 million profit.

He asked European?
He said :
3 million for paint
2 million for labour
2 million profit.

He asked Zuma?
Zuma said:
4 million for me
3 million for you
3 million will give it to the Chinese guy to paint.