Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Talking about desert... I think I'll have some ice cream now

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yReTJmn3_U

 

The web site is not complete yet and there are some wrong terms used.
http://boervolkerfenisbewaring.co.za/en/
I have two Boer general ancestors, de Wet and Viljoen.


Some "Boer, Skot en Engelsman" jokes used to do the rounds in the old days, and of course the Boer always came out on top. Usually these jokes were where the three were bragging, like

Scot: Our potatoes are so large we have to carry them one at a time in a wheelbarrow to the kitchen.
Englishmen: Our potatoes are so big we have to load one on a trailer to get them to the kitchen.
Boer: That's nothing, we use submarines in which we go down to see if the potato is cooked...

Well, it's kind of a boat joke, although 2nd grade or there abouts

 

How much do a pirate's earrings cost.

A buck an ear!

 

"Phonetically" doesn't start with an "f".

 

Psychiatrist doesn't start with an "s". If he were alive, you could ask Psygmund Phreud.

 

Meeting the P-Sychaitrist

youtu.be/XAGgfNeGROY

 

That shrink needed a pizzyackatrist.

 

this is not a boat joke but its funny

http://youtu.be/YgXjy8GZ7B0

 

Random pictures:

 

http://www.jokerz.com/animal/duck-jokes/3

One night I dreamed I went to heaven. When I got there, St. Peter was waiting on me. He said, "Before we go in I need to tell you, don't step on the ducks!" So we walked in and I saw ducks EVERYWHERE! St. Peter was showing me around and we got pretty far when I saw a woman tied to a stinky man. Very very stinky. I asked, "Why are they tied together?" St. Peter said, "Because she stepped on a duck." So we walked a little more and we saw another woman tied to a very very VERY stinky man. I asked, "Why are they tied together?" St. Peter said, "Because she stepped on 2 ducks." So we went a little farther and I saw Hillary Clinton tied to a very handsome man. I said, "Well she must have done something really good." St. Peter said, "Nope, he stepped on a duck."

 

Posted in error

 

I think I've mentioned this previously, but back in the 70's I was in the Philadelphia Inquire's main office, where each side of the entry hall was lined with glass cases full of previous headlines. Most were historic, like the moon landing and JFK assassination, but a few caught my eye. My favorite was just below the fold, front page, 3 columns wide "Would be **** Victim, Beats off attacker".

 

There are some jobs that only a husband can do right. The its up to the wife to try and undo them over the next 15-16 years...

 

A hat tip to AndySGray

He wrote(rhymes with boat):


She said she was a Vegan so I held up my hand making a V between the 2nd and 3rd fingers, and said "Live long and prosper" in my best Leonard Nimoy accent...

She said that's not what it means!

I replied I know what it means, it means that either you're a Virgin and you have a speech impediment, or you only eat garnish - either way I guess you don't like having meat inside you.

She looked scornfully at my supper, Well it's healthier than what you're eating!

I said, THIS is a balanced diet - it's got my 5 daily fruits and vegetables!

She looked confused so I explained;-
The first sausage is pork with Somerset cider and Bramley APPLE,
Then I have a nice Venison with port and CRANBERRY,
The third is a Lincolnshire sausage with LEEK,
and finally a Cumberland sausage with Sage and ONION

Ha, she said, sage is a herb so it doesn't count!

I Know, that's why I added the BACON...

Bacon isn't a vegetable

Of course it isn't, you're being ridiculous...... it's a FRUIT


A Fruit, you imbecile, is something which you pick from a PLANT!

Exactly, I picked the bacon and a couple of steaks on my way home from work - stopped by at the "Meat Packing PLANT"
:?:
:?::?:
:?::?::?:

Anyway, it'll serve you right, the Vegetarian magazines say that for every pound of meat you eat, it means you'll die two weeks earlier, so there!

I stopped chewing for a minute and thought.
Finally a cut a big chunk of sausage and resumed supper...

Did you understand what I said?

Sure, I was just working it out... I'm going to die in 1876 which is awesome as I just love the Victorian era, Must let Stephen Hawking know, he said time travel was difficult, turns out he was missing the diet shortcut...

You're impossible!

And yet I exist !, it must be a temporal paradox to do with the Victorian thing we were just talking about?

She walked out and slammed the door!

I shouted after her that I was going to invite her to dinner, got a recipe for Vegetarian Nut Roast been wanting to try for ages, just short the main ingredient - a Vegetarian Nut (Page 186 of the Hannibal Lecter Cookbook, Serve with Fava beans and a nice chianti!)