Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

I don't know if I'd say that.

 

A little known provision of the 5 year plan.

 

Did you mean from Z to A ?

 

What do one call a multihull that is not on foils ?

Naturally aspirated ?

 

Recently advertised on Craigslist: a shop sawdust collecting system that would suck even more if you put an OU sticker on it.

 

You're not well endowed with a qwerty keyboard.

Poida

 

While we're re-hashing very old jokes...

People laughed when I told them I was going to become a comedian on boatdesign.net.
Well, they're not laughing now!

 

How do you get to the BOAT JOKES thread?

Practice!

 

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students

The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter Than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave.
She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal:
'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry:
'9.'
Principal:
'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry:
'36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her,
'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal,
'Let me ask him some questions.'
The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'
Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy and oval'

Harry: 'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks:
'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubblegum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog Does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,
'Put Harry in the fifth-grade,..................... I got the last seven questions wrong.....'




It's a good thing it was Harry and not Johny

 

Mother and her son were flying with kulula.com from Johannesburg to Durban .
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked,
'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have
baby planes?'
The mother (who couldn't think of a quick answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy asked the stewardess, 'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby
cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?'
The stewardess smiled sweetly and asked, 'Did your mommy tell you to ask me?'
The boy said, 'Yes she did.'
'Well, then, tell your mommy that there are no baby planes, because kulula.com
always pulls out on time. And you can ask your mommy to explain that one to you!

 

My biggest fear is that when I die one day, that my wife will sell all my fishing tackle for what I told her it cost!

 

A pastor was making the rounds visiting the sick and grieving. While speaking to a young widow he noticed how she was watching how her diamond sparkled, sending little points of light onto neighboring walls and the ceiling.

"That's a nice ring." he observed.

"Oh, yes, my Frank left 15,000 in the will for a nice stone."


... be assured, she knows, she knows....

 

Little Johnny throws a tantrum at seeing his nemesis promoted to fifth grade after weaseling out of some dead easy questions.

As a punishment he is required to demonstrate his knowledge of Shakespeare or face demotion to homeschooling with Uncle Ezekiel in the Ozarks.

His test is to name four of The Bard's works, and lickety split he scrawls on the blackboard:

1. 3 inches
2. 6 inches
3. 9 inches
4. 12 inches

Principal and Teacher are enraptured, and hastily SMS good ol' Ezekiel his pupil will arrive by next Greyhound, and to please begin cutting switches, extra stingy, buttocks, for the flailing of, one gross.

Johnny interrupts the merriment and asks to explain his answer. His jubilant mentors allow him his folorn hope...and the little wretch proceeds to explain:

"Easy. Number One, three inches, is obviously Much Ado About Nothing".

Ok, not bad, but he's grasping at straws, think the Educators. Principal frowns a bit at this, as though remembering something.

Johnny continues:

"Six inches, as any competent scholar knows, is accepted As You Like It."

Uh oh, think the Educators, he might have weaseled out again. However, there is still hope..

However, Johnny is forging on:

"Nine inches, nothing other than a Midsummer Night's Dream"

Principal nudges the nodding pensive Teacher out of her wistful reverie, and motions her to get her Smartphone ready to break the bad news to Unca Zeke that he may as well let his birch trees alone...

And Johnny, glowing with yet another victory, and winking at the crestfallen Principal, concludes:

"Finally, Twelve Inches, nothing less than Taming The Shrew!"

 

Joey woke up swathed in bandages, tubes entering different parts of his body, wires monitoring every function.
A gorgeous nurse hovering over him. It was obvious he had been in a serious accident.

The Nurse said 'You may-not feel anything from the waist down.'

He managed to mumble in reply, 'Can I feel your ****, then?'

 

And ?









For a guy that runs by the name of Red Hot Poker (pecker ?) you have been very sparse with your jokes.