Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Life insurance salesman 1 offered potential customer cover from delivery to mortality

Salesman 2 wanted to beat this, so he offered insurance from womb to tomb

Salesman 3 not taken back offered insurance from ******** to resurrection

 

Apparently the word crap is of Dutch origin as well.

Poida

 

It worked for the joke... in the jokes thread.

Not all jokes are based on actual truth. Get over it

 

It wasn't a joke, it was a supposedly true amusing story. I have nothing to get over except how funny it is for people to make up fictional explanations.

Truth is not only stranger than fiction, its also a lot funnier.

 

It's elementary my dear Mr Watson, if it's in the jokes thread then it may or may not be the truth even if it claims to be the truth or not. We need a tongue-in-the-cheek smiley.

I myself am going to use that joke and I'm going to replace "golf" with a lot of other things...

 

The word crap comes from a man's name. Mr Crapper was a lavatorial entrepreneur and marketing whiz (sorry) in London. Had the first bathroom showroom.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Crapper

 

One should be careful what they put their name on...

 

philsweet

There was a book written by a descendant of Thomas Crapper entitled "Flushed with Pride" where he claimed that Sir Thomas Crapper invented the flush toilet and the term "to crap" was taken from his name and therefore someone with the name "Crapper" should be proud of their name.

But however, he wrote a pile of crap. Because although he was the plumber appointed to the Royal Household he was never knighted. He didn't invent the flush toilet because it was introduced into England by the Romans and the word "crap" comes from a Dutch word and not a form of his name.

He did invent the "ballcock" that is used in the modern cistern.

It does remind me of an old man when approached by a washing machine salesman said, "I'm not going to buy one of your bloody washing machines, had one once, pressed the button and all my clothes disappeared around the bend."

Poida

 

When former General Secretary Leonid Brezhnev was invited to visit
Poland he decided that he should take a gift. He called in the state
artist and told him that he wanted to take a large painting of Lenin
in Poland.

The artist went away and came back early the next day.
"General Secretary", he said, "I cannot paint what you want because
Lenin never went to Poland".

Brezhnev puffed himself up and shouted, "Listen, I told you I want a
painting of Lenin in Poland. I have announced a viewing of the work
before I leave. You have two weeks!"

Two weeks later, the artist returned with a huge canvas and hung it
on a wall, ready for the great unveiling.

When all of the members of the Central Committee had assembled
Brezhnev strode up to the painting and pulled the cord to reveal the
new great socialist realist work.

Suddenly a collective gasp went through the crowd.
All they could see was a painting of a Moscow apartment with a large
double bed. In the bed was Mrs Lenin, with Trotsky on one side and
Molotov on the other.

Brezhnev screamed at the artist. I gave very clear instructions for
what I wanted in the painting. So where is Lenin?

The artist squeaked nervously from the side of the Great Hall of the
People, "But it is obvious, General Secretary. Lenin is in Poland".

 

Niiiice.

I'm gonna engage in joke redistribution.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3kpYiWdVWY

 

A young couple began their family with a little girl. The father, and avid car enthusiast, wanted to name her Mercedes.

A little under two years later they had twin girls and this time he wanted to name them Porsche and Lexus ... which kinda annoyed the mom but since they were still cute names she quickly relented.

Then just a few years later she gave birth to a son. By now the novelty had worn off and she was in dread of which car make he would want to name the boy after. Stoically, silently, she prepared herself for a fight.

"Bob!" the father said, smiling hopefully.

She blinked ... not Chevy or Dodge or something like that?

Then she realized, he must have read her concern! Through tears she said that would be a lovely name.

"Yeah, he's my favorite mechanic!"

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mN3z3eSVG7A

 

Why not. I did.

 

I got a message that I couldn't use "*****" as a password.
Pffft, I thought, if I laid mine on the keyboard it would go all the way from A to Z.