Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Discussion in 'All Things Boats & Boating' started by brian eiland, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. JSL
    Joined: Nov 2012
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    Location: Delta BC

    JSL Senior Member

    THOUGHTS

    As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's *** anymore.

    If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

    A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.

    A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.

    And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.

    Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
    My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes
    I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

    Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant;
    the early bird gets the worm, but hey, the second mouse gets the cheese.

    The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom!

    The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
     
  2. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    By getting older I simply mean the years go by, it does not mean that I age any.
    Just so there's no misconception about that.
     
  3. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
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    Location: Control Group

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    and I just keep getting dangerouser[sic].
     
  4. Poida
    Joined: Apr 2006
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    Location: Australia

    Poida Senior Member

    I read a quote:

    The early bird gets the worm.
    But nobody mentions what happened to the early worm.

    Poida
     
  5. rwatson
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    Location: Tasmania,Australia

    rwatson Senior Member

  6. Rurudyne
    Joined: Mar 2014
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    Location: North Texas

    Rurudyne Senior Member

    A cannibal passed his neighbor in the forest.
     
  7. myark
    Joined: Oct 2012
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    Location: Thailand

    myark Senior Member

    Q: Why did the tomato turn red?
    A: Because it saw the salad dressing

    Q: What vegetable might you find in your basement?
    A: Cellar-y.

    Q: What is green and goes to a summer camp?
    A: A Brussels' scout.

    Q: What vegetable do you need a plumber for?
    A: A Leek.

    Q: Why do potatoes make good detectives?
    A: Because they keep their eyes peeled.

    Q: Where did the vegetables go to have a few drinks?
    A: The Salad Bar.

    Q: What is small, red and whispers?
    A: A hoarse radish.

    Q: What vegetable can tie your stomach in knots?
    A. String beans

    Q: Why is it not wise to tell secrets in a cornfield?
    A: There are too many ears.

    Q: When is a cucumber like a strawberry?
    A: When one is in a pickle and the other is in a jam.

    Q: What is a Honeymoon Salad?
    A: Lettuce alone, with no dressing.

    Q: What did the lettuce say to the celery?
    A: Quit stalking me.

    Q: What do you say to rotten lettuce?
    A: You should have your head examined.

    Q: Why did the Tomato go out with a prune?
    A: Because he couldn't find a date!
     
  8. myark
    Joined: Oct 2012
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    Location: Thailand

    myark Senior Member

    Red or white wine
     

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  9. philSweet
    Joined: May 2008
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    Location: Beaufort, SC and H'ville, NC

    philSweet Senior Member

    That remembered me of somting, Myark
     

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  10. myark
    Joined: Oct 2012
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    Location: Thailand

    myark Senior Member

    Thanks for the reminder
     

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  11. Redtick
    Joined: Jul 2009
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    Location: usa

    Redtick Junior Member

    Educate me on the changing name on the boat. My google foo has failed me so far.

    Jeanne Guenther of Wiesbaden Germany?
     
  12. RHough
    Joined: Nov 2005
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    Location: BC Summers / Nayarit Winters

    RHough Retro Dude

    Walt Kelly frequently had his characters poling around the swamp in a flat-bottomed skiff. Invariably, it had a name on the side that was a personal reference of Kelly's: the name of a friend, a political figure, a fellow cartoonist, or the name of a newspaper, its editor or publisher. The name changed from one day to the next, and even from panel to panel in the same strip, but it was usually a tribute to a real-life person Kelly wished to salute in print.
    --- from Wiki
     
  13. PAR
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    PAR Yacht Designer/Builder

  14. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
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    Location: Control Group

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    Yes, 8-inch rims are a joke; too hard on bearings over a long haul.
     

  15. lewisboats
    Joined: Oct 2002
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    Location: Iowa

    lewisboats Obsessed Member

    I like the drainage tubing for the rub rail.
     
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