Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

That explanation has been rejected many times.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ring_a_Ring_o'_Roses

 

In a proper boating cartoon he would be handing over at least a beer cooler, better still a paddle. That's just my opinion of course, you are welcome to suggest alternatives, but not a banjo Pleeez . . .

 

St. Patrick's day Special . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y07at1bU89Q

 

Did you know if you put your ear up to a strangers leg, you can hear them say "WTF are you doing?"

 

A guy says to his buddy, "damn, I'm tired of my wife hitting me up for money. Every time I turn around, it's 'Joe, I need ten dollars. Joe, gimme twenty dollars. Joe, I need some cash.' I tell you, she's driving me crazy."

His buddy asks, "so what does she do with all that money? And Joe shrugs and says, "I dunno... I never give her any."

 

Sam-Sam I just know of the blond that tatoo-ed a sea shell on her upper inner leg.
If you put your ear against it you can smell the sea

 

Here it is...

 

In that spirit ...

"Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house."

-- Rod Stewart

 

instaed of gettin married,,,a 30cal bullet is jus a buck...

 

Let's all hope for a speedy recovery for the ol' melon smasher.

http://www.calgaryherald.com/entert...overing after heart attack/6308775/story.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDFQXxWIyvQ&feature=related

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gallagher_(comedian

 

A conversation in heaven

SYLVIA:
Hi! Wanda.

WANDA:
Hi! Sylvia.
How'd you die?

SYLVIA:
I froze to death.

WANDA:
How horrible!

SYLVIA:
It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from
the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy,
and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?

WANDA:
I died of a massive heart attack.
I suspected that my husband was cheating,
so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself
in the den watching TV.

SYLVIA:
So, what happened?

WANDA:
I was so sure there was another woman
there somewhere that I started running
all over the house looking. I ran up into
the attic and searched, and down into the
basement. Then I went through every closet
and checked under all the beds. I kept this up
until I had looked everywhere, and finally
I became so exhausted that I just keeled over
with a heart attack and died.

SYLVIA:
Too bad you didn't look in the freezer
---we'd both still be alive.

 

Sense of Freshness....

A while ago a new supermarket opened in Woodvale Western Australia.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mowed hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

 

Who could have guessed?

More from the phantom news clipping service -

 

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary..

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



Excerpts from a Cat's Diary.

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
********.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage..

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.........