Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Mas,
It may be that you fail to understand how business is done in America. To big business such as Arcelor-Mittal Steel and others it is considered desirable to screw businesses that do business with them after all they are not on the "payroll" or costing them anything.

All the subcontractor can do "such as the pizza-delivery guy" is stand around and patently wait till it's "convenient" for someone to actually "pay" for the pizza's he'd just delivered for their consumption. It's not "right" it's just how's it's done with American business.

 

One of my bosses once sacked a customer! Every time we met after that one of us would always greet the other with "you're fired!"

As an immigrant to N. America I didn't always understand the lingo. Another of my customers informed me during a visit that he'd heard that I'd screwed the pooch. I had never heard that expression before, so of course I denied it and asked him if he was going to take a sheep's word over mine. it took a while to untangle that one.

The founder of a UK company where I worked earlier - who had a somewhat medieval mentality - told a worker he caught talking on the job to go get his cards as he was sacked. Three months later he was doing the managerial walkabout routine and recognized the same worker still at his place on the assembly line; the Big Boss prided himself on never forgetting a face. "Didn't I tell you to get your cards?" he asked and the guy replied "yes, but I decided I needed the job too much to tell the foreman what you said" - and the Big Boss replied "Good for you!"

 

I heard this story about a biscuit factory, (Americans that is English for Cookies) and a new guy started.

He walked into the department where he was supposed to work and one of the partners in the business walked ina t the same time.

The biscuits (se above) were over cooked. So the boss picked up the tray of biscuits ( do I really have to teach you the language again?) and threw it on the floor.

The next tray was over cooked and he did the same thing, and with the next.

And, stormed out of the room.

The new guy thought, that is what I do. And, every tray that came out, he got them and threw them on the floor.

The boss came back in and was confronted with a floor full of biscuits ( Oh God, surely you've learnt by now.) even after the problem was solved.

He got sacked on the spot.

The good news is the problem was sorted out and he regained his job in the BISCUIT FACTORY.

 

I own a Ford
if thats not a joke nothing is

 

I sold my Ford for $1000 a month ago, - That is an even better joke !

 

I swore off Fords a long time ago and I often said you couldn't give me one, then someone did give me one and since it had the International 7.3 in it that isn't made by Ford I went ahead and kept it. Engines great the rest of it sucks

 

So a sea scone is a racehorse? Since a scone is a quickbread that would make it fast.

 

Soooooo the bar doors fly open and in waddles this little white duck, waddles across the floor.....hops onto a bar stool and up onto the counter!

It looks at the barman and says "I'll have wiskey on the rocks"
The barman nearly faints and can not believe what he has just seen and just stands there.
The duck is now getting impateint and says "Listen buddy I'm in a hurry, my lunch hour is only an hour and need to get back on site. I'm a bricklayer at the building site across the road and the foreman watches us like hawks, so hurry up!"
The barman pours the wiskey, the duck drinks the shot and as he is waddling out says to the barman " Just run a tab for me, I get paid on Friday and I'll settle, but I'll be back every lunch hour this week!"

Immediately the barman gets on the phone and calls an old friend of his that is a Ringmasterin at a large cirus. He tells the guy about the duck. His mate asks him if he has been drinking and he says"Listen buddy he is coming in tomorrow around lunch time, make sure you here! I'm telling you this duck talks! You have to come see it! I'll buy you lunch! Just come!"
So the next afternoon around lunch time the Ringmaster is sitting in the corner eating his lunch and still very scepticle about the barmans statement and in walks the little white duck with little yellow feet and orange bill, -across the floor onto the bar stool onto the counter and says " Hey barman, the same as yesterday!"
The Ringmaster nearly chokes on his food! He is already counting all the money he is going to make!

So he strolls over to the duck and says " Hey buddy, would you like a job?
The duck answers "Who are you and what the hell do you do?"
"Well for starters I'm a ringmaster and I own a large successful circus! I'll start you off with R5000/month, R500/month cell phone allowance, but no medical aid!" says the Ringmaster.
The duck checks him out....."You mean a proper circus?"
"Yes!"
"You mean one with big elephats and clowns?"
"Yes! Okay I'll include a small car allowance as well!"
"You mean one with tight rope walkers and Lions and stuff?"
"Yes."
"You mean you have magic acts and the big huge tent and stuff?"
"Yes, yes!" answers the Ringmaster " Why do keep asking?"
The duck answers...."I'm just trying to figure out why the hell you need a bricklayer!"

 

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Fanie again. ??? Huh, when did I last give you positive reputation? That was a beaut yarn...

 

Yeah I tried too, but will do it(rep) later.

 

The Matchmaker goes to see Mr. Avery, a confirmed bachelor for many
years.
"Mr. Avery, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says the Matchmaker.

"Don't bother," replies Mr. Avery, "I've two sisters at home who look after all my needs."

"That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife."

"I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were mine."

 

I nailed the sucker for ya!

 

The only car company not owned by the US Government. I wouldn't own anything else

 

I have no complaints about a government intervention that put Chrysler and General Motors back onto their feet, and returned them to profitability--saving God knows how many American jobs along the way (from assembly line workers to parts suppliers and car salesmen), and keeping automobile market share in the US instead of sending it to Japan or Korea.

Nor did the government nationalize them and turn them into socialist state-run enterprises, as the fear mongers tried to convince us they would. The fed's are selling their shares, the companies are paying back the loans, and everyone involved will go on their merry ways.

To claim the government 'owns' either company is just hysterical political posturing with no basis in fact. I know it galls you that the bailouts seem to have been successful; You have my sympathy. It's a shame your reality got messed with..

Boston: I'm not sure why you're so down on Ford engines. I personally drove Chevy's most of my life, but always respected Ford's Windsor V8's (the 302, for example). Like Chevy's small block V8's, they provided a good mix of power, reliability, economy and ease of repair.

 

Well its supposed to be the boat jokes thread but I suppose I could start a why I detest Ford page except its not exactly boat related. Suffice it to say that I've never drove a Ford that wasn't a complete POS. Planned obsolescence at its finest, I have a friend who's all about Ford and he's always stuck on the side of the road. New car or his antiques and he's got a bunch of them including a Shelby Cobra. Miracle if that thing makes it around the block fully restored or not.

funny thing about ford tho
they made enough money off the model T to loose money and market share for the next 50 years until they hired a guy from out of house ( Carrol Shelby ) to design them a winner. He pounded out two cars for them before leaving in disgust; the mustang which was there next model T in terms of cash flow and the Cobra which was never intended for mas production. All in all Ford albeit a financial success has not produced anything other than two good cars and even that is giving the hardware on the mustang way to much credit.

When I was in high-school I fixed all the other kids cars, hell I fixed there parents cars to, and the neighbors so they wouldn't complain about me fixing cars all the time. I made a killing off Ford but I dam sure wouldn't ever want to have to depend on one. I'm down to one car ( other got totaled just the other day ) and it's that POS Ford my buddy "gave" me. I wouldn't buy a Ford if it was the last car on the lot. Sorry W clearly your partial to Fords but my bet is you buy a new one every year or so and never see the maintenance issues. If I can I'll get a manual tranny for this thing I have now and be ready when the automatic it has in it now goes out, its kinda the defining factor in how long this particular truck stays on the road.

The things only saving grace is that the 7.3 isn't a ford engine. Means I can get parts for it. I'm definetly going to be buying another car though. Merc 300D series with the IDI and mechanical fuel pump so I can run my own fuels through it. Only thing worse than owning one Ford would be owning two
and thats no joke

we now return you to your normally scheduled programing