Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Ok, for us marvelous mature guys:

YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING 'MARVELOUSLY MATURE' WHEN.............

1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
4. Your back goes out but you stay home.
5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
8. When happy hour is a nap.
9. When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does..
10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there. 13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
21. It takes twice as long to look half as good.
22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.
23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.
25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.
26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.
27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.
Smitty

 

answer

Elifino

 

No! You have to dowload it directly into your veins!

SmithCraft64: I loved the Natchitoches one!
This remembered me a joke about an spaniard trying to explain a portuguese waiter he wanted strawberries for dessert. He insisted on saying "frrrreeeessssaaas" (fresa=straberry) louder and slower time after time, while the confused waiter answered each time he din't understand at all (in portuguese the word is 'morangos' but some spaniards tend to think portuguese is a distorted way of speaking spanish)

Cheers.

 

Boat jokes

Hey SmithCraft - I don't find that funny - it's a reflection of my life....

Reminds me of a quote by - and here I display examples of the fading memory - Mick Jagger, who said "I don't do drugs anymore - I get just as big a buzz by standing up too quickly..."

On the language bit Guillermo (and I can say this because my wife is Chinese): Diner to Chinese waiter - "Waiter, this duck is rubbery..."
"Ah, thank you velly much sir...."

 

Bergalia, that's like saying all women are dopey, I can say that because my wifes dopey.

 

Boat jokes

Nah, Poida, she's always seemed a very level headed girl to me...mind you that's probably because you're not around at the time.....

 

That explains it, when she moans Bergalia in her sleep, I thought she was talking about the plants she had in the shade house.

Now come to think of it they're Bergonias.

I realised she'd been sleeping with another man when he kept kicking me out of bed.

Poida

 

Poida it appears your wife has the same name as mine - strange two girls both being called 'dopey' so far apart

 

Boat jokes

Got the same problem with mine Poida...(Hey are we in the nasty brown stuff if our wives read these columns....)

 

We men know we are ready for the worms when we still remember we used to like women, but we do not remember why.....

Cheers!

 

Boat jokes

Not really boat related - just an overheard 'off the cuff' remark by a local builder watching his new apprentice: "Jeez...he's as slow as Ray Charles window shopping...."

 

OH yes!! Bergalia me old mate what a cracker!!!

 

Heard about the large ocean liner HMS WALRUS it was feeling a bit randy so it had a tug.

Poida

 

No don't understand that one?

 

Boat jokes

Well you were warned Walrus. If you continued doing it you'd go deaf...Now, watch my hands as I translate....