what i want now

Discussion in 'Sailboats' started by wardd, Nov 25, 2009.

  1. ancient kayaker
    Joined: Aug 2006
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    Location: Alliston, Ontario, Canada

    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    The current level of ignorance of traditional seagoing ways, and on this forum of all places, simply astounds me. Visitors are piped aboard at the door marked IN, and the gangplank is located at the door marked OUT.

    In order to properly respect tradition, visitors will be relieved of all their cash and valuables before they leave, so as not to be unduly weighed down when they hit the water. We aren't savages, after all.
     
  2. wardd
    Joined: Apr 2009
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    Location: usa

    wardd Senior Member

    terry want the position as crew etiquette and safety instructor?
     
  3. ancient kayaker
    Joined: Aug 2006
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    Location: Alliston, Ontario, Canada

    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    I thought I already had that as part of a purser's job. I have been working on a highly effective safety instruction course. The largest member of the crew throws the smallest one into the water.

    Listening to their plaintive cries as they are left far behind - assuming the vessel is actually making headway that is - he or she* essentially does my safety instruction course for me while I lounge in a drunken stupor in some safe and comfortable location. For an alternative method of obtaining volunteers for this important function, we could make up a set of rules for qualifying said volunteers. Pissing on the captain's meals, for example, would qualify a crew member; I am confident that this approach would lead to significant improvements to crew etiquette.

    As part of my training, I have placed myself on a suitable diet in preparation for this voyage of discovery. My weight is up by 25 lb and still rising. Anyone trying to toss me in the water is going to have a serious challenge, so I can assure you there is no danger to the most valuable member of the crew, or at least the richest, namely the purser - who will fill his pockets and hide from danger in the richest tradition of naval endeavour.

    * I assume from previous posts that this is an equal opportunity venture
     
  4. wardd
    Joined: Apr 2009
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    wardd Senior Member

    equal to the highest kickback, i gotta make a living you know

    i like to keep crew turnover high as new crew are cheap
     
  5. ancient kayaker
    Joined: Aug 2006
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    Location: Alliston, Ontario, Canada

    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    Hm. How much do you weigh?
     

  6. wardd
    Joined: Apr 2009
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    Location: usa

    wardd Senior Member

    more than you wanna lift
     
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