Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Three workers find themselves locked up, and they ask each other what they’re in for. The first man says: “I was always ten minutes late to work, so I was accused of sabotage.” The second man says: “I was always ten minutes early to work, so I was accused of espionage.” The third man says: “I always got to work on time, so I was accused of having a Western watch."

 

Q: What do the U.S. and Cuba have in common?

A: In the U.S. and Cuba, you can't buy anything with pesos.

 

Under communism, every man has what he needs. That's why the butcher puts a sign up that says "nobody needs meat today."

 

Seems the Department of Information Services (Ministry of Propaganda) was out in the field, taking "the Revolution" to the people: explaining the fundamentals of Socialism to the populace to bolster popularity. A member of the Department was out talking to a farmer ...

Official: So you see, comrade, dat it iz de way Marx explained: "From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs." You understand?

Farmer: (confused) No...

O: OK. Iz like dis: Say a comrade has two cows. Ve take one cow from him and give it to comrade that has no cow. Dat is de Rewolution. You see?

F: Si, Si! Iz good!

O: And if a comrade has two tractors, ve take one of his tractors and give to man who has no tractors. Si?

F: Si! Si! Is muy good!

O: And if a comrade has two cheekens, ve give one cheeken to man who has no cheekens. Si?

F: No! Iz not good!

O: Why?

F: I have two cheekens...

 

Ok, since you asked for it...

Capitalism in Russia and other ex "socialist" countries managed to do in one year what communism couldn't in eighty.

It made communism look GOOD.

Boss, go back to boat jokes, 'coz with your capitalist propaganda anti-communist jokes you just cannot win. They are to lame.

The only good one was about tragedy and importances.

 

Now is the turn for capitalism to tumble. The only problem, no one wants to buy it, and the only buyer on the market is China...

And usa is now real cheapo. Bargain, really!!!

 

Let no man be held back on this thread by fear or joy, communism, socialism or capitalism. Your currency is good here

 

Q: What do the U.S. and Cuba have in common?

A: Guantanamo concentration camp.

 

Three men in Dallas find themselves locked up, and they ask each other what they’re in for. The first man says: “I was let go and was protesting peacefully in front of my factory, so I was accused of terrorism.” The second man says: “I was walking by a protest meeting when police started beating protesters. On young pregnant woman fell on the ground. I jumped to help her, so I was accused of helping terorist.” The third man says:

“I was always black..."

 

Q. What else do Cuba and USA have in common?

A. You can't buy anything with dollars.

 

On a serious note, one boat/fishing joke:

One day, Diego and Roberto went out fishing. A funeral service passes over the bridge they re fishing by, and Roberto takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by. “Gee Roberto, I didn’t know you had it in you!”, says Diego. Roberto replied: ” Well' I was married to her for 30 years...”

 

One day three blondes went fishing on a frozen lake. By the time they cut a hole big enough for the boat to fit in it was time to go home.

 

And a last one. For all avid sailors out there...

One man's hobby was sailing, he spent all his weekends on his boat, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went out, as usual. It was cold and raining, so, for once, he decided to return back to his house.
He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What a terrible weather today honey," he said to her.

"Yes. And my idiot husband went sailing!"

 

Good jokes, Masrapido.

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

 

Walking Eagle

President BARACK OBAMA was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York .. He spoke for almost an hour about his plans for increasing every Native American’s present standard of living. He referred to his time as a U.S. Senator and how he had voted for every Native American issue that came to the floor of the Senate. Although President Obama was vague about the details of his plans, he seemed most enthusiastic and spoke eloquently about his ideas for helping his “red sisters and brothers.”

At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented Obama with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, “Walking Eagle.” The proud President then departed in his motorcade to a fundraiser, waving to the crowds.
A news reporter later asked the group of chiefs how they came to select the new name they had given to the President. They explained that “Walking Eagle” is the name given to a bird so full of **** it can no longer fly.