Be a friend to Alan White Appeal

[Bergalia]

Many members will be aware of Alan White. A reasonably dull chap whose contributions have helped pad out various threads - even though adding nothing of worth to the subject discussed. (But what can you expect from an American). Alan, like the spotted slug, surgical leech, and plague bacillus feels unwanted. unloved, and friendless (which is possibly true - especially as he bites his own toenails...) However I call on my fellow members to sign the following petition to become a 'nominal' friend to Alan.

"I would like to register as a friend to Alan White:"

Osama Bin Laden; A. Hitler; M.Tojo; Fred Bundy; H.Crippen; Bergalia; Idi Amin (retd).

[longliner45]

why should I be freinds to allen ? every weekend I work on my boat,,and yet he never shows up to help,,,,,,,damn that allen,,,,,,longliner

[artemis]

I would like to register as he's an American - well, he lives in Maine, but that's still in America, barely. And I know a couple of hobby steamboaters who live in Maine and keep their steamboats there (they have great "outings" in the winter, nice and warm!), so that makes Maine OK too. Sign me up:!:
Ron

[alan white]

Hello,

This is Alan's Maid, Claudette. I am French, so excusing the bad English. I can tell you, Mr. White is no easy of be a friend. He is too much with helping of not fortunate people and adopting animals. I do with my legs just a little, with skirt accidental riding up, but non! He laugh and saying I am too eager.
No, he is like a stone. A wonderful handsome and verile stone. He is like a shining star, or a moonbeam, or something.

[alan white]

Sorry about that, guys. Claudette has received a spanking. I am going to go back to signing in each time and avoid this happening again.
I don't know about you, but having 105 lbs of squirming, shrieking French maid on your lap is not the same as a 40 lb toddler! What a chore!

A.

[Frosty]

Oh I know --I know --its no fun --why do they do that ? do they think we like it or something. I had that last night in almost evey bar I went to. I had to come home at 1.30 with sore buttocks.

Any way allen I have Pm you my credit card number and pin so just help yourelf.

I would appreciate it however if you kept my donation the the Alen White "save a French maid fund" fund to under 10 united states of America dollars.

Oh --Errr make that 2 us dollar.

[charmc]

I'll contribute to the "save a French maid fund", but I'm earmarking my donation for new glasses for Claudette. She obviously needs them.

[alan white]

Get her some new panties too, Charlie. I don't what they call those string-things, but every time she leans over to pick up my slippers, those poor red cheeks make my heart sink. I should have used ointment afterwards.
Next time.

[alan white]

Oh I know --I know --its no fun --why do they do that ? do they think we like it or something. I had that last night in almost evey bar I went to. I had to come home at 1.30 with sore buttocks.

Any way allen I have Pm you my credit card number and pin so just help yourelf.

I would appreciate it however if you kept my donation the the Alen White "save a French maid fund" fund to under 10 united states of America dollars.

Oh --Errr make that 2 us dollar.

Thankyou, Frosty. It's a shame your night was cut short. Next time, stick to drinking only!
Bottoms up!

[safewalrus]

I would greatly like to be a 'friend' to Alan White but first Max, just one small question

WHO?:?: :?: :?:

:P

[PI Design]

Is Maine nice? Is he rich? Will he give me rep points? If yes to all, I'll be his friend.;)

[safewalrus]

If he knows Guillermo is he known as the "Spanish Main"?

[Poida]

Allan's not my friend, my Mother died while she was standing next to an Allan.:mad:

Poida

[alan white]

Allan's not my friend, my Mother died while she was standing next to an Allan.:mad:

Poida

She should never have stood up on that rocking horse. At 96, a person should remain seated until the ride stops. You got to come to grips with the fact that your mom was a daredevil she of all people knew the risks and accepted them.:even madder.

[PI Design]

I suppose statistically most Aussie women die next to a bloke called Bruce. So your mum was quite lucky in a way.

[alan white]

If he knows Guillermo is he known as the "Spanish Main"?

You of all people should avoid puns about the names of geographical areas.
I know that sounds corny, but it's true.

[Frosty]

Hey I just had Turkey for dinner and I greeced the car this morning. Errrm.

[Frosty]

Get her some new panties too, Charlie. I don't what they call those string-things,


Bum floss. I have a pair for when I wear my schifon shorts. Its so ugly to see underpant elastic.

[timgoz]

Its cooler letting the "boys" hang free!

Tim

[kach22i]

No coffee squirted out onto the screen while reading this thread, but there were a few close calls.

I will remain unfocused all day because of this thread.

Thanks.:D

[Bergalia]

Its cooler letting the "boys" hang free!

Shucks Timboy - how long you been a member of the Klan :rolleyes:

[timgoz]

Hey Max, don't be getting me put on some bloody "watch list" now! :mad:

I don't like the sub-tropics.

Tim

[Bergalia]

Hey Max, don't be getting me put on some bloody "watch list" now! :mad:


Steady now Tim....Don't get your bedsheet in a twist....:D

[alan white]

Or, on the case of this forum, an anchor named Bruce.

[safewalrus]

Alan how come you and Frosty get on so well - anything in common then? (s'no good you'll never get it!)

[alan white]

Alan how come you and Frosty get on so well - anything in common then? (s'no good you'll never get it!)

Just "white" and "frosty" have a kind of Christmassy feeling.

No, the answer is: Neither of us is a sea mammal. I am a human being, and so is Frosty. We are both people.

No, wait... each of us are beginning to realize how much bush is costing us.

I give up.

[safewalrus]

all 'white' I'll shut up - just realised how mutch bush is costing US nevr mind his own lot - still if you believe our lot we're starting to distance ourselves from the US of A, no that was yesterday - today we are still friends and the best of buddies! Actually I didn't realise anything had happened but you know what polies are like, say anything as long as it gets them on the front page!

[Frosty]

[QUOTE=safewalrus; you know what polies are like, say anything as long as it gets them on the front page![/QUOTE]

You dont say!!! Like you walrus,--- say what you can to fill out a post.

[alan white]

It is truly shameful that the pun wasn't noticed at all. It could be due to the word "bush" being a strictly American slang word. I leave you all to hang your heads. No, it's too late. You didn't get it, and there's no going back.

[Frosty]

Yes I got the Joke alen but I was too hung over to take the bait.

I was going to say "yes alen the price of bush is going up isnt it?" pause-- "its about 2 dollars an hour now'. stop Or you can get a good deal on an all nighter.

Yer well its seems to have lost something with time!!! --But thats what I was going to say but theres no going back,---not now, Oh no.

[safewalrus]

Bush? Bush? what bloody bush? Thought you said brush and was going for a clean sweep!

[safewalrus]

whose this Allen fellah, could have sworn you said Allah! Was looking for a visit from Sammy Bin Liner to finish the day off!

[Frosty]

Bin liner is brown bread. The Americans blew his arse off. You dont think they would parade him through the streets do you, shouting Oh look what we did?

[Bergalia]

It is truly shameful that the pun wasn't noticed at all. It could be due to the word "bush" being a strictly American slang word....

We have an Aussie word for the theatrical 'pubic wig' - a merkin...and it raises a wry smile each time George W. claims that he's "Proud to be a merkin....." :D

[Frosty]

[QUOTE=Bergalia;152064"Proud to be a merkin....." :D[/QUOTE]

In that case you do NOT want know what 'polish' means in Lebanese (arabic)

Watch then roll around on the floor holding thier sides whe you say "Im going to polish the car"

I think thats true, a lebanese bloke told me that 25 years ago.

[alan white]

Oh my Lord! I HOPE that wasn't the other meaning! No, no, NO! I meant safari excursions! Not... illicit not to mention immoral behaviour!
I am so shocked. I need to lie down.

[timgoz]

Alan, pull it together man! First the mental trauma from the mystery boat, now this. :rolleyes:

You sure you are not a woman (ouch!). :D

Just kidding sir, but all this emotion.

Good thing Berg started this support thread for you. Perscription drugs might be benificial also, under a doctors care & used in moderation.

All joking aside, I hope all is well up there. Take care.

Tim

[alan white]

We have an Aussie word for the theatrical 'pubic wig' - a merkin...and it raises a wry smile each time George W. claims that he's "Proud to be a merkin....." :D

That explains all the cover-ups, and why Bush frequently appears hung over.
By the way, what is the going rate for hair these days? A friend wants to know. I told the little shaver I'd ask.

[alan white]

Alan, pull it together man! First the mental trauma from the mystery boat, now this. :rolleyes:

You sure you are not a woman (ouch!). :D

Just kidding sir, but all this emotion.

Good thing Berg started this support thread for you. Perscription drugs might be benificial also, under a doctors care & used in moderation.

All joking aside, I hope all is well up there. Take care.

Tim

I'm okay now Tim. I flogged myself a little with a birch branch and took some saltpeter as added insurance.
I can't believe Frosty said that, can you?

[timgoz]

Alan,

Unlike us Northern boys, Frosty lives in the equivelant of an oven. A humid oven at that. If his brain is incapacitated by the heat & humidity, it is not his fault. Of course he probably moved there of his own accord. That does not speak well of his mental faculties. Poor Frosty.

Tim

[alan white]

Well that heat goes right to the loins. Think about the hot spots. Las Vegas, Rio, New Orleans, Miami Beach at Spring Break, etc. Now the cool spots: London, Moscow, Helsinki, and Anchorage.
Nobody would go to those places for fun. They would go there to study physics, or to work on a new improved (haha--- this site tags the word I wanted to write. It rhymes with Niagara).

[Bergalia]

.... this site tags the word I wanted to write. It rhymes with Niagara.


Can't understand why Jeff would tag Nicaragua :(

[timgoz]

No Alan,

Some people,such as myself, love the cool/cold! It is easier and less physically harmful, to put on extra colthing than to peel one's epidremis

When you die from the heat you go mad first, when from the cold, you just go to sleep.

Tim

[Frosty]

You guys dont know nothing ( double negative there) I dont like America, police shoot you. Tim has told us, and then you have big grizzly bears hugging you when you come out of the supermarket. Storms that spin fast and steel your car. Oh no I dont like America ,--but ive never been there.

[timgoz]

Large breasted corn & beef fed girls make up for many shortcomings!

Tim

[Frosty]

Large breasted corn & beef fed girls make up for many shortcomings!Tim

Oh No, Yuk Well we will never fight over girls Tim.

I think a man should live where the girls look good . I do that.

These petite littel beach bunnies in crimson bikinis, and built in sun tan OH JEES

A big one wieghs in at about 45kilo, with perfectly proportioned torso to leg length . Not like the Japanees with Knobbly knees.

The Thais for some reaon HAVE PERFECT WOMEN.

Yes by golly, lifes good today>

The sun is shining and puffy clouds in the sky ( cirrus cumulus)

Temp about, --hang on ille check-----A lovelly 34 degrees.

Ahhh lovelly --think ille nip down to Mc donalds for a sausage Mc muffin with egg.

[alan white]

You guys dont know nothing ( double negative there) I dont like America, police shoot you. Tim has told us, and then you have big grizzly bears hugging you when you come out of the supermarket. Storms that spin fast and steel your car. Oh no I dont like America ,--but ive never been there.

I've never been shot by police once. I don't know where you get such ideas, Frosty. The grizzly bear thing is ridiculous as well. You just run fast. You get used to it when you're a kid. By the time you're an adult, you hardly even notice the grizzlies unless you trip or something.

[alan white]

Can't understand why Jeff would tag Nicaragua :(

Yeah. I know. It's just a chemical found in cigarettes. This is an adult site, isn't it?
(Last one i'm gonna set up for you, so make me proud, Berg.)

[alan white]

No Alan,

Some people,such as myself, love the cool/cold! It is easier and less physically harmful, to put on extra colthing than to peel one's epidremis

When you die from the heat you go mad first, when from the cold, you just go to sleep.

Tim

I'm sorry, Tim. I drifted off. Yes... heat is bad. Sorry. Huh? Hard to type. My fingers are a bit stiff. Last night I froze them to the keyboard so I could write home.

[alan white]

Oh No, Yuk Well we will never fight over girls Tim.

I think a man should live where the girls look good . I do that.

These petite littel beach bunnies in crimson bikinis, and built in sun tan OH JEES

A big one wieghs in at about 45kilo, with perfectly proportioned torso to leg length . Not like the Japanees with Knobbly knees.

The Thais for some reaon HAVE PERFECT WOMEN.

Yes by golly, lifes good today>

The sun is shining and puffy clouds in the sky ( cirrus cumulus)

Temp about, --hang on ille check-----A lovelly 34 degrees.

Ahhh lovelly --think ille nip down to Mc donalds for a sausage Mc muffin with egg.

Man do you know high livin'! I wish I was you! I'd have me a hash brown and two sausage Mcmuffins! Man, that would be fine!

[Frosty]

I dont like to expose my body to temperatures more than 15 degrees under normal operating temperature. As for me thats 98.4 (in old money) that means errr I dont like temps below 83.4.---- Yeah thats about right.

Does any one else have a body temp of 98.4?

[alan white]

My kid's is 97. something. Come to think of it, she's in New Orleans right now running a wetlands project for a relief group. Can you imagine what it's like in the swamps in july? She says she doesn't mind at all. Didn't get that from me. I sweat just from calling her on the phone.

[Bergalia]

....I dont like to expose my body to temperatures more than 15 degrees under normal operating temperature.

Come now Frosty. You know that's not true. The fact is the Thai Government has forbidden you from exposing your body...ever....Bad for tourism....:p

[Bergalia]

(Last one i'm gonna set up for you, so make me proud, Berg.)

Wish I could Alan...But lost for words. Instead I attempted to give you a burst of points - but bloody forum computer says: 'Not yet'...so stay tuned. I'll add them yet.

[safewalrus]

Wouldn't worry too much about Frosty's brain overheating, hasn't been connected yet - in fact I believe he left it in cold storage when he ran away to sea! he's still trying to figure out what he went to see!

[alan white]

Wish I could Alan...But lost for words. Instead I attempted to give you a burst of points - but bloody forum computer says: 'Not yet'...so stay tuned. I'll add them yet.

It's that tension thing again. It builds and builds, and then... WHACK! It's even got me going. What's next? I'm breaking out in hives! I'm going out tonight to buy my "first hundred" suit.
It's been so long, Berg. And thanks to you, the moment is just a breath away. My deepest gratitude goes out to you and all the little people who are rooting for me on this thread, whomever they may be.
The sun will come out tomorrow. Bet you bottom dollar that tomorrow...
'cause if it don't, I'm switching to the M.A.S.H. theme song.
In the early morning light I see, visions of the things to be...

[Bergalia]

...My deepest gratitude goes out to you and all the little people who are rooting for me on this thread, whomever they may be.


OK Jeff - we can shut this thread down. He's back on his feet, and now we can start discussing something of real importance...:p

Does anyone know why bananas are bent ?

[timgoz]

I have been trying to find out why bananas are bent since the last post. :mad:

Thanks alot Berg. I'm obsessed "now". Must be from hanging on this thread with Alan.

Since he seemed to be closely associated with bananas there for awhile, maybe he knows.

Tim

Found this: "As the fruit develops the blossum grows out slightly downward. Later it turns to the Sun, producing the bend."

I do not know though. Think I'll look into it more at a less frantic pace.

[alan white]

Bananas are bent?

[timgoz]

Forgetting web searches for awhile and just doing some old fashioned thinking brings to mind a few of possibilities.

1. A bend usually has more inherient strength than a flat.

2. The bent shape would provide a more suitable shape, aerodynamically speaking, than a flat. This would allow the bunched fruit to withstand higher wind forces.

3. The bent shape would allow an overall tighter and stronger cluster.

The above post gives a possible mechanism for them becoming bent but not the "why" they are bent.

This post gives a few of reason they are bent for.

Let me ask this, do you know already Max?

Tim

PS: I think "curve" might be a more appropriate term than bend.

[Bergalia]

Bananas are bent?


Bananas ? Did I mention bananas ? Sorry, it's my spelling. I of course meant politicians....:(

[Frosty]

This thread has been going a while now. How much have we collected for the save Alan white appeal.

We should do something for Poida --hes a nice ole guy is Poida --I like him.

Not like that Bloody walrus from Devon.

[Poida]

Frosty you have no sense of a persons character.

There is a very good reason why bananas are bent.
Because if they were not bent
They would not be bananas.

Poida

[Bergalia]

...Because if they were not bent they would not be bananas.Poida

Succinct Poida. Worthy of a footnote in 'Readers Digest'....

I suppose the same could be said of politicians.:)

[timgoz]

So why are they "bent", bananas that is ?

As for politicians, I think it's in thier genetic makeup. Of course it may be infectious also, as the few good men who get into politics, do not stay good long.

Tim

[Bergalia]

Bananas ? Politicians ? What on earth are you gibbering about Tim. This is the be a Friend to Alan White Appeal thread....

[timgoz]

Ah, the geriatric memory span. Think they have drugs to help with that now.

Tim

[Bergalia]

Ah, the geriatric memory span. Think they have drugs to help with that now.Tim


You're still gibbering Tim. We're discussing bananas and politicans - not drugs....:p

[timgoz]

I'm adopting Wynands motto for this situation. :confused:

Tim

[Bergalia]

I'm adopting Wynands motto for this situation.Tim


Sorry Tim, Wynand's Motto has already been adopted. A lovely couple came and collected it yesterday. However we still have an Okam's Razor available...It was left on our doorstep this morning....:)

[artemis]

Succinct Poida. Worthy of a footnote in 'Readers Digest'....

Yes. But where do we insert the footnote about "snowy" (or is it a banana). No not there! :P

[Bergalia]

Yes. But where do we insert the footnote about "snowy"

Subtle thought Artemis. Perhaps the 'RD' Big Book of Monsters and Myths: 'Frosty the Frigid Bigfoot' (in mouth). :D

[Frosty]

Why do they call it a foot note ? you dont write it with your foot, Do you?

Anyway Artemis stop making personal attacks on my character

And finally why has no one mentioned my new avatar yet?

If you dont appreciate what I do for you, I wont do it anymore.

Eeerrr I seem to have got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning.

[Poida]

You sleep in a bed Frosty?

[alan white]

Why do they call it a foot note ? you dont write it with your foot, Do you?

Anyway Artemis stop making personal attacks on my character

And finally why has no one mentioned my new avatar yet?

If you dont appreciate what I do for you, I wont do it anymore.

Eeerrr I seem to have got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning.

That new snowman looks like somebody's mom. You might as well put a rolling pin in her hand.
Every time i see it, I mutter, "Yes'm!" without knowing why. Can't you stick to something with some sense of testosterone?

[Frosty]

That new snowman looks like somebody's mom.

It is my Mom--!!!!!!

[artemis]

Why do they call it a foot note ? you dont write it with your foot, Do you?

Anyway Artemis stop making personal attacks on my character

And finally why has no one mentioned my new avatar yet?

If you dont appreciate what I do for you, I wont do it anymore.

Eeerrr I seem to have got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning.
In third world countries where the people are so poor they cannot afford shoes, they do write with their feet. Look out your window "snowy".

I resent false accusations "snowy". You have no character to attack.

As to your new avatar, the reason you changed it is very simple. pavel915 of Bangladesh has an avatar that made you jealous. It demonstrates clearly that you are an OLD person.

We do appreciate what you do for us. All of us do. Since Wally deck hand was banned, we haven't had anyone like him to pick on .

:P :P :P :P

[Frosty]

Not bad --not bad your getting the hang of it. Ille wait till you think you are really good before I come for you with guns blazing.

I saw that avatar, I looked twice I thought it was my sisiter.

Oh Im so exited today we now have water,--I no longer have to carry that big pot on my head to the river. The nice 'UN' men came and dug us a well right in the middle of the village. They also bought us a goat so we can have milk. Oh lifes good.

Now if I can just sharpen this damn stick ille go and get myself a wilderbeast or two. Never mind Ille wrestle one to the ground, yeah its ok I done it before.

[alan white]

It is my Mom--!!!!!!

She's very attractive, Frosty. Of course, I knew that. She looks just like you. I think it's great that you posted a picture of your mom on the forum, even if she is naked.

[artemis]

She's very attractive, Frosty. Of course, I knew that. She looks just like you. I think it's great that you posted a picture of your mom on the forum, even if she is naked.

Now you understand "snowy" 's real problem. It'sthe missonaries that civilized the natives and taught them about the advantages of clothing. But "snowy" 's so caught up in this whole "God" thing that he won't let his Mom visit them and get some free clothing (although he'll accept free help from other organizations like the UN). Consequently she has no clothing... I was about to say: to cover her shame, but "snowy" wouldn't let any "God" agency cover him. :P

[alan white]

Well she looks cold. Attractive, but cold. I can almost hear her charcoals chattering. Frosty needs to get with the J-man. I can see that.

[Frosty]

Now you understand "snowy" 's real problem. It'sthe missonaries that civilized the natives and taught them about the advantages of clothing. But "snowy" 's so caught up in this whole "God" thing that he won't let his Mom visit them and get some free clothing (although he'll accept free help from other organizations like the UN). Consequently she has no clothing... I was about to say: to cover her shame, but "snowy" wouldn't let any "God" agency cover him. :P

Naw naw,-- I thought you had it --but you havnt. Very dissapointing and pathetic attemp at,--- well what ever you are trying to do.

My mother is clothed, --cant you see the three buttons on her coat? well I say buttons, they are lumps of coal actually --but they are buttons to us.
I never said we were a rich family.

You know what coal is dont you Artemis,--Ille bet you have a bag or two in the shed,--nod-- wink,--- chooo choo. (Private joke)

[Poida]

So, enlighten, what did Wally deck hand do to get banned?

Was he nice to Frosty?

I agree, should be against the rules.

Poida

[Frosty]

Poida --I dont know what he did actually, getting down to brass farthings I dont know the details, but lets just say wally was a good name for him.
He didnt mean any harm, he was just a bit enthisiastic, over zealous, exitable and got carried away with things sometimes.

Nope,-- never did me any harm!!

Ha I remember that if he didnt get a reply in about 10 minutes he would almost answer himself so he could post again. He was Indonesian,--errrmm Im not using that as an excuse ,just poining it out. His stuff is still on the forum sone where.

[Poida]

GOD, he didn't miss spell things did he??

Sory Frosti coold nut help miself.

Poodah

[alan white]

Could he keep a six-pack cold for three weeks under his arm? Did he ener post a picture of his mom wearing misplaced pasties on the internet? Did he ever post without wearing pasties?
You know, Poohdah, I have enough trouble getting my snowman to stand up on a sunny day. When I see the skill with which Frosty is able to write, joke, comment on boat issues, and all without shorting out his keyboard, I'm pretty impressed.
Could you stand on someone's front lawn for three weeks without moving in zero-degree weather and still hang on to a conversation?
No. I didn't think so.

[Bergalia]

...Could you stand on someone's front lawn for three weeks without moving in zero-degree weather and still hang on to a conversation?.

Well, that's 'snowbiz' for you Alan....:D

[safewalrus]

Trouble is Alan neither can Frosty! Most of the time he has difficulty stringing three words into a sentance let alone a full conversation!

Don't woory 'Snowy' I am not about to say anything nice about you!! to complecated and too much like hard work trying to find something!

Yes wait a minute there is something,:confused:


Apparently he does a good understudy for the 'Child Catcher' (Chitty chitty bang bang fame) See Frosty your not completely worthless - you can always serve as a bad example!!;)

[alan white]

Trouble is Alan neither can Frosty! Most of the time he has difficulty stringing three words into a sentance let alone a full conversation!

Don't woory 'Snowy' I am not about to say anything nice about you!! to complecated and too much like hard work trying to find something!

Yes wait a minute there is something,:confused:


Apparently he does a good understudy for the 'Child Catcher' (Chitty chitty bang bang fame) See Frosty your not completely worthless - you can always serve as a bad example!!;)

I guess I just felt bad for the poor guy. But if he is in any way connected to a Mary Poppins film, even I have my limits.

[artemis]

I guess I just felt bad for the poor guy. But if he is in any way connected to a Mary Poppins film, even I have my limits.

He tried out for Mary Poppins as a chimney sweep but melted halfway up the chimney. The crew mopped him up and send him home in a ziplock plastic baggy. 'Course some of the moisture stayed behind on the set. That accounts for his spelling, grammar, curmudgeonliness, etc. - "snowball" 's just not all there. :P

[Frosty]

How did you know that Walrus? Thats amazing. Yes I was in the Movie chitty chitty bang bang --

[safewalrus]

Figers Frosty - know what it means? as I said figers! (as you will when you find out - tee hee)