Scots on the rocks...

For all you doubters who believe the Scots an unromantic race - hard-hearted, damp-kilted and lacking in finesse - these 'Lonely Hearts' ads singled out by my younger brother from the 'Auld Country' may change your minds. And I stress - they are all genuine:


Aberdeen man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered.
Box06/03

Heavy drinker, 35, Glasgow area, seeks gorgeous s@x addict interested in pints, fags, Celtic football club and starting scraps on Sauchiehall Street at three in the morning.
Box 73/82.

Ginger-haired Paisley troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more.
Box 84/87

Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old b@stard living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Orkney seeks attractive 21-year old blonde lady with big chest.
Box 40/27

Devil-worshiper, Stirling area, seeks like-minded lady for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering dogs in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.
Box 52/07

Govan man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8pm and 11.30pm
Box 42/30

Andy Stewart - eat your heart out.....

 

Any one of those guys could make a killing over here as motivational speakers.
Confidence inspiring! No simpering apologists on that list!
How long has "I'm Okay, You're Okay" been in print over there by now anyway?

 

Sorry Alan - you've lost me....

 

For what I know Scots is a funny race... they invented the dwaf n grome...

 

http://www.amazon.com/Im-Youre-M-D-Thomas-Harris/dp/1578660750

 

Ah, a book, Alan.....never read 'em. Like Frosty I'll wait until it comes out on film.....

But the 'Lonely Hearts' apparently come from the 'Sunday Post' - Scotland's favourite weekend browse...

It's the only thing a good Christian Scot will 'dip into' on the Sabbath.....

 

Ah Jack ma bonny wee bairn...How little you know of the Scottish soul.. A Scot is only happy, when he's abroad, and feeling miserable.....

 

Aye Bergalia tis true! I've kent some braw wee loons who will stand by that! The quiens too na dout!

It helps if it's raining too, that gladdens the heart! That fine western isles mist that soaks to the skin but doesna keep ye of the hill, until it puts ye in yon deathbed!