I would like to introduce myself

[Bergalia]

Originally Posted by safewalrus

Bolton old chap sounds rather like a navigating type person, salt of the earth, not many of us left - kept getting lost! Bergalia has the same problem,gennelman of the sea - navigation is an art dear friend an art! Some can some can't .......now were the hell was I?

A calumuny, Walrus... I know exactly where I am...Tied to the end of my C6 key-ring...Trouble is my wife is using it for her ignition keys and she's now driving at speed down the highway...Difficult to keep up with my walking frame, stop the kilt from flapping in the wind...and type on my laptop at the same time...

[boltonprofiles]

Lost me there sefewalrus.......

[boltonprofiles]

Begalia -

Is the string still attached????

(see Yipsters smart blow-up keyholder thread)

[Bergalia]

Originally Posted by boltonprofiles

Lost me there sefewalrus.......

Told you to tie him to the keyring, Walrus...Now we'll have to look for him...(bloody Lowlanders... Leave them alone for five minutes and they panic...)

[Bergalia]

Originally Posted by boltonprofiles

Begalia -

Is the string still attached???? )

It was, Paul, until the wife did a sudden U-turn in MacQuarrie Street, then it tangled in my walking frame. Unfortunately my reactions were too slow (kilt blown up over my head, and my exposed nether quarters caused a police horse to bolt - complete with rider) and in the ensuing uproar which brought Sydney City Centre traffic to a standstill, the newly introduced 'Anti-Terrorism' Assault team assuming it to be an Al Quada attack opened fire with tear gas, ground to air missiles, and small arms fire, while overhead a Royal Australian Air Force helicopter saturated the area with signed photographs of John Howard (Prime Minister) sucking up to George Bush at Camp David.
A stray shot severed the string before bouncing off to shatter the window of a passing bus which mounted the pavement ploughing through the massed band of the Returned Services league injuring three sets of bagpipes and a bass drum, and when the tear-gas cleared I discovered a Traffic Warden grasping my 'willie' claiming it was a rubber bullet and therefore "material evidence" to her incident report...
In short, Paul. No, the string is no longer attached....

[boltonprofiles]

Bergalia,

I'm sorry I ****** asked,

mind you all I have ever had from a traffic warden was a parking ticket,
are you going to see her again?

[Bergalia]

Originally Posted by boltonprofiles

Bergalia, all I have ever had from a traffic warden was a parking ticket,
are you going to see her again?

Yes, Paul, apparently so, but only in the witness box across the courtroom, where I am apparently to be charged with "Brandishing a concealed weapon," though I shall claim she did most of the brandishing....And on a secondary charge of 'Breach of the Police.' It seems the horse rider fell upon the remains of the bass drum which at the time had been draped in a leopard skin, thus entangled, and whilst attempting to free himself, the Anti-Terrorist Squad assuming him to be an escapee from Sydney's Taronga Zoo, shot him full of tranquiliser darts. In this torpid state he was transferred to an empty cage, where I believe he is now star performer in the 'Big Cat' breeding programme.
For myself I seem to be facing seven years transportation (back to the UK), from whence I fled some fifteen years ago to escape the embarrassment of being constantly mistaken for a character called Tom 'Ting' Bell.

[Bergalia]

Due to a certain amount of scepticism over the veracity of the above notes, and bearing in mind my loathing of self-publicity - I have been forced to offer a photograph of myself (before the string was attached).
For those of you who ask the perennial question: 'What do they wear under the kilt?' I quote friend Wynand N: "What lies before us and what lies beyond us is tiny compared to what lies within...."

[DGreenwood]

For most of my life I had always scoffed at the idea of a Scot in a skirt striking fear into the hearts of the English warriors...now I think I get it!

Curious, that it took the English so long to realize that partering with the developers of such a powerful weapon, and along with the bagpipe, would give them a frontline that would send the fiercest combatant fleeing.

[safewalrus]

Has got me scared clueless, and I didna have one much afore! back in me whishkey methinks!
Dunno about the inglish warriors theres a rumour that a few Australians are singing 'Police release me, let me go!' and heading back to the bush (tis him again!) clutching bits of sacred string! and looking a little bemused!

[Bergalia]

If you guys think that's scarey - you should see me in my party frock....

[artemis]

Originally Posted by Bergalia

If you guys think that's scarey - you should see me in my party frock....

If you think he's scary in that outfit, imagine what he'd look like in the outfit that his ancestors wore - Norse mythology come alive (it's only the later Spanish influence that moderates same)!

[boltonprofiles]

Hello all,

On the subject of the kilt and fighting the English (or in fact the Italians at that time) I would like to inform you of an actual manuscript found at Hadrian's Wall written by a Roman Centurian called Bigguus Dickuus.

"We were patrolling the wall looking for any signs of a Scottish attack.
We spied a Scotsman in his kilt which he proceeded to lift up in a gesture of defiance so we rallied a full legion to pursue the perpetrator into his hostile lands.
Only two of us returned to report on this account as we were met by an ambush and all were slaughtered without mercy as there were two of them...."