A grumpy old bathplug raves

[masalai]

Hi Ugly bud, I can't even look at it... even though I paid for it...

[masalai]

I'm not grumpy today so join with me and have a laugh...


Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

The man said, 'I do, Father.'

The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

'Certainly, Father,' was the man's reply.

'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'

The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'

% % % % % % % % %

Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'

$ $ $ $ $ $ $$$ $ $ $

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'

'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'

# # # # # ## # # # # ## # #

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'

'Just water,' says the priest.

The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'

The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.

'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'

+ + + + + + + + + +

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy.. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

Flynn said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

'Well,' Mary said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

[charmc]

Lies and slander, Brian!!

One would think from your stories that we of Irish ancestry have a tendency to quench our thirst with beer and distilled spirits, often to excess. Don't know where you got such a crazy idea.

[masalai]

As above again a cut&paste from an email sent which I thought may be appreciated by those less sensitive to "ethnic jokes" - Oh well , "please some etc..."

[charmc]

Actually, they were pretty funny.

[masalai]

You had me a little worried for a minute - thought someone had stolen my "avatar" and posted something polite....

[masalai]

WHAT IS A PUN? I could not really define same as, since it has become a "disreputable" form of humor, I am disinclined to claim a capacity to produce "puns", however, using words, can be an interesting and intellectually stimulating activity - I must change my dictionary to English - - - -

Who would not really **** themselves to find "the Borg" as masters of the "Holy city"??? To some I guess no change except literal connectivity - beats the WWW.....

This "global economy really sucks... I looked at dpreview to check out some cameras and the panasonic FZ18 is posted at 360 US and 270 UK which translates to AU 338 and 575 respectively RETAIL yet here in stupid land this self same bloody camera would probably be lots more - who is ********ting whom... And when I find and can positively identify one of those profiteering bathplugs I would like to be able to inhibit any capacity at reproduction in that thieving and despicable person... Dammmmn another post calling on the "drivel"

[artemis]

Speaking of puns...

Many years ago, when I was in High School:
I knew two identical twin brothers. They both had a wry sense of humor and enjoying "punning" whenever possible. They told the story of being on vacation, by auto, with their parents. As the car moved down the highway, they "punned" the time away. Their parents, rapidly becoming tired to the puns, asked them to stop - to no avail. Finally their father issued an ultimatum: "If I hear one more pun from you two, you walk to today's destination". Almost in unison they said: "Don't walk, PUN!" He took them back into the car after they had walked 5 miles. They were quiet most of the day.

[Frosty]

I cant find the drivel thread ,--can I have moan on this one?

[masalai]

When have you needed to ask? Go for it...

[masalai]

Frosty, have you gone into retirement? or are you busy doing something productive? - No action on drivel - minimal Piracy? Go to this thread and download a good read The Coastal Passage - then have a read of the rest on that site - lots of stirring...

[safewalrus]

What Frosty stir it, that's like saying the Walrus is a nice guy!

[masalai]

I thought I would try to get him to think boating - and use his boat to go somewhere... I think it has not been used for a coupla years??? You know me, I try to be subtle, and leave the sledge hammer work to the mind of the recipient...,

[safewalrus]

Ah Missy Lee you sub-tile? if you say so!

In the same vein I'm bloody gorgeous - see don't work does it?

OH YES IT DOES!!

[masalai]

Oh Safie the big smile is (shift colon with a CAPITAL d) as in not :d:d so there... , or is it their... - for the *******?