Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

FA Cup = only way a UK team can win a championship.

 

Poida, your instincts are good. Should learn to follow them. If I hadn't given you points so recently, you'd be in trouble now.

 

PI,

You're right. See above message to Poida.

 

PI

Nar pretending to work! Got kinda fed up and headed back to Cornwall! Back up next week for another exciting time (and I thought it would be better than going to sea - at least the bed don't rock, 'cept when I'm so bored I get peed and then it do!!)

 

I check my dic for the translation of words and this joke is crook... I like yur sense of humour

 

Boat jokes

Just a thought - Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.

 

Tim, my friend, I'm disappointed in you . We're supposed to show those Aussie descendents of convicts what real class is about!

 

Bad thing is I thought it up myself while a friend and I were trying to figure out what to call a co-workers new boat.

Tim

 

Boat jokes

Play on words Tim? Try this one:

Wife of an old Dutch barge skipper (that's the boat link) goes to feed her pet hamster and finds it dead in the cage. Naturally she is grief-stricken.
Seeing this her husband asks what the problem is, and after she explains he says "well don't waste it, make something useful out of it"

Obviously it's not big enough to make a full meal so she puts it in the food blender then pours it into a saucepoan, adds sugar, and boils until it thickens. Finally she puts it into a jar to cool, and when cool spreads some on a slice of toast. One bite and she knows it's disgusting. But being a thrifty wife and not given to waste she stores it in a large flower pot.
The next morning the husband asks how she disposed of her dead pet and she explains. So he looks out of the window and sees the flower pot is full of daffodils.

"Thats odd" he says. "I always thought you got tulips from hamster jam"

 

Did you have a good trip, excluding the bad weather?

Tim

 

Boat jokes

Yes, a reasonable trip thanks Tim. You'll see from another thread that the weather has been pretty hairy along the east coast. It worsened as we travelled northwards towards Sydney. Roads flooded, cars off the road, Aboriginal uprisings, and soggy chips at the local 'Greasy Spoon'...Life is hell. The only good part was that my wife has indulged herself in a GPS for her car and insisted on bringing it along in my 'Disco'. (As though I didn't know the road anyway). But the three passengers (wife and two daughters) spent the whole journey crouching over the screen...."A left hand turn coming up dad...." "Yes dear, so I see..." "Anoher turning on the right dad...but you don't need that one..." ....."Yes dear, I know that...." "Traffic lights coming up dad...."..."Yes dear, so I see...."....."There's a bridge up ahead dear (the wife)..."...."Yes, my sweet...I think we'll go over it shall we...."
Couple this with a bloody voice from the machine telling me..."Your turning is 900 metres ahead...prepare to turn...." etc etc etc.
But yes, Tim. Not a bad trip.

 

Berg,

Always seems its the eventfull trips, usually the ones with much adversity, that we have the most vivid memories of. Somehow the bad events don't seem as bad with the seasoning of time.

The GPS units that are built into the car are troublesome to me, especially for a solo driver. With cell phones, steroes that need tending to, ect... All you need is to encounter someone with thier face glued to the GPS screen.

The best scenerio would be if they would shut down the screen while the vehicle is in motion. Leave the audio. But if they need to consult the screen, pull off.

Used to travel with a preacher friend who would have the open road atlas on his lap and his eyes on the atlas. Usually he was speeding to. Finally had to "really" call him on his recklesness. He modified his behaviour.

Least you had a "navigator" onboard.

Read in the AM paper about the severe flooding & such in Newcastle. Hope things improve for you all. Boat.

Tim

 

Cheer up Max apparantly with great age comes deafness - can't hear the nagging wife - I can hardly wait! Luckily all mine are boys, and total wastrals at that so we rarely go anywhere together (except the pub!! )

 

Boat jokes

I suppose a duck could pass as a nautical object ?

Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet ?
A: To stamp on fires......

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet ?
A: To stamp on burning ducks......


OK Jeff, I'll leave now........

 

Then I anticipate she died single. Or, on the other hand, she was not that clever after all. As there is no such a thing as the perfect man, perfect women tend to marry perfect very rich stupids.