BOAT JOKES (we need a few laughs)

[Poida]

Would you believe I just noticed water going down the hallway. No it wasn't global warming, my wife has put the washing machine on with a sponge in the basin and when it pumped the water out the sponge went into the plughole and the basin has overflowed.

My wife is not having sex with all of the seven dwarfs but she's definately fckn dopey.

Gotta go and mop water. Dopey's gone out.

She married me, proves she's not too bright.

Poida

[Bergalia]

Originally Posted by Poida

....Dopey's gone out.
Poida

But I only went out to get an evening paper....

[Guillermo]

We men know we are ready for the worms when we still remember we used to like women, but we do not remember why.....

Cheers!

[Bergalia]

Not really boat related - just an overheard 'off the cuff' remark by a local builder watching his new apprentice: "Jeez...he's as slow as Ray Charles window shopping...."

[safewalrus]

OH yes!! Bergalia me old mate what a cracker!!!

[Poida]

Heard about the large ocean liner HMS WALRUS it was feeling a bit randy so it had a tug.

Poida

[safewalrus]

No don't understand that one?

[Bergalia]

Originally Posted by safewalrus

No don't understand that one?

Well you were warned Walrus. If you continued doing it you'd go deaf...Now, watch my hands as I translate....

[safewalrus]

Got a tug got it now

[Poida]

You don't have to be slow to live in Cornwall, but it helps.

[Guillermo]

This remembers me...a friend of mine who is a keen golf player, once told me: "You don't need to be stupid to play golf, but it helps a lot"

[Bergalia]

Don't blame me, blame Guillermo - he started the 'golf' tangent.
True story. My father-in-law a rabid golfer used me as a caddy (because I'm hopeless as a partner) and one day out on the Nairn Golf course (North east of scotland) it was heavy sleet being driven by a force eight wind slicing across the fairway which runs beside the the river. A couple of figures were hunched over their rods. "Bloody hell," said the father-in-law, "Will you look at those idiots fishing on a day like this...."

[Frosty]

Berglia-- it just occured to me--If your a Scottish decendent,--then its quite likely youve probably been to Blackpool and the yates'es bar and the Tower lounge, north pier, Pleasure beach???????

You Scotts used to come down and we all used to stay out of town on Glaswegion fortnight, Jeeees no one dare go down town then.

I remember one year they ripped up the wooden dance floor of the Winter Gardens.
---Dont know why--probably because it was closing time.

[Bergalia]

Originally Posted by jack frost

...I remember one year they ripped up the wooden dance floor of the Winter Gardens....Dont know why--probably because it was closing time.

No, no Jack. You've got it all wrong. Glasgow Fair Week yes. But the lads and I had come down (with that incident at Culloden still fresh in our minds) for what had been billed as a 'Revival Meeting' and assumed the Jacobite lads were about to have another go...But much to our consternation discovered it was something to do with a feller called Billie Graham (not even the Scots spelling of Graeme).
Disconcerted we sought out the Tower Ballroom for refreshment and were about to request the strains of a tango, or waltz through which to work off our disappointment when this bloke at the organ, Dixon I believe was his name, vanished from view into the basement. It was while searching for him that we inadvertently ripped the dance floor apart....But of course, you may have heard otherwise....

[safewalrus]

An I thoght ye wus collectin fire wood, it being close to Burns Night! (any nights burns night in Blackpool, you gotta liven it up somehow!)