Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Must say I like the original picture and its caption better, as I think it's funny of itself, and not just trying to be funny by misquoting from a book that's regarded to be holy by some. BTW, with or without goats, reliable car ! -

‘‘ One of the pros to having an older car that you don't like, I don't mind when my goats climb on it. ’’​

 

My grandad used to say Christians shouldn't fly because we are told; "Low, I be with you..."

He flew an F4U for the Navy in the Pacific.

 

World's funniest religious joke, by Emo Phillips:

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me."

I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?" He said, "Yes."

I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian."

I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."

I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
​

The best God joke ever - and it's mine! https://www.theguardian.com/stage/2005/sep/29/comedy.religion

 

If you find yourself in a pretty pickle just dill with it.

 

What vegetable you don't bring aboard and is dreaded by sailors?

Leek!

 

Well, there's at least 107 English translation versions of the book. I suppose you use the one true, correct version and all the others are fake, but for the heathens who use the NIV translation, the quote is correct.
John 12:49 (NIV) - Forerunner Commentary http://www.bibletools.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Bible.show/sVerseID/26630/eVerseID/26630/opt/parallel/version/niv

Judging by all the different ways this meme is posted,



versus the one (and only) you posted about an "old car you don't like"etc, I believe the Jayses meme is way more popular probably because people think it's a lot funnier.

 

It's not a joke but it's funny in a way . The new owners are the picture of innocence, but with a few musings have probably increased their investment 20 or 30 fold. In another article it says they're inquiring to see if they can build a house on their property. The last 3 sentences in the linked article are the punchline.

A reasonable rent.....that's so subtle.

Rich SF residents get a shock: Someone bought their street http://www.sfchronicle.com/bayarea/matier-ross/article/Rich-SF-residents-get-a-shock-Someone-bought-11738236.php

 

On a cold enough day you may actually see a politician with his hands in his own pockets...

 

A man was kidnapped by aliens and woke up strapped down on a table in such a way that he knew where they were gonna examine him. A suspicion made all the more certain when he saw the -thing- the small grey alien was prepping to use.

"Are you gonna erase my memory of this?" he demanded.

No reaction from the alien.

"'Cause if you are could you erase my memory of seeing Batman v Superman too? That's 2 hours of my life I'd rather loose."

The alien startled. Leaning real close those big black eyes regarded the man before it said, in perfect English: "What do you think my people and this examination have in common? Go ahead, guess?"

"You're searching for knowledge?" the man said hopefully.

"Nope! ***holes!" it laughed.

Later the man couldn't understand why he kept dreaming he was watching Batman v Superman....

 

I don't get it.

 

The aliens are *******s. So instead of erasing the memory of the movie it made him to relive it.

Sorry, sometimes my jokes just fail. No excuses.

If you think you can save it, please do.

 

If you had keyed "***holes" I would have gotten it.

 

See, you took the reel!

(joke edited accordingly)

(It wasn't a 10# bass in my case either though....)