BOAT JOKES (we need a few laughs)

[Angélique]

And click on ‘‘Flag for Moderator’’ in the right corner above the post, and report, sure it will be dealt with then . . .

Cheers,
Angel

[lewisboats]

Already done...seconds after my observation. I had to get my $.02 in first though

[Boat Design Net Moderator]

Sorry about that. The two spammers have now been removed.

[Angélique]

Hey , not your fault, thanks for taking care

Cheers,
Angel

[hoytedow]

Originally Posted by Angélique

Hey , not your fault, thanks for taking care

Cheers,
Angel

Ditto.

[Fanie]

Four nuns were attending a rugby game. Three men were sitting directly behind them. Because their habits were partially blocking the view, the men decided to badger the nuns, hoping they'd get annoyed enough to move to another area.

In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Bloemfontein. there are only 100 nuns living there."

Then the second guy spoke up and said loudly, "I want to move to Witbank. there are only 50 nuns living there."

The third guy yelled, "I want to go to Rustenburg, there are only 25 nuns living there."

The Mother Superior turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet and calm voice said, "Why don't you go to hell ... there aren't any nuns there."

[Fanie]

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend, killing him.

Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends!"

*******************************************

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,

And Panic is when both are pregnant.

****************************************

Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?

Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, Dad got a
heart attack & our driver ran away.

*********************************************************

A woman asks man who is traveling with six children, "Are all these kids
yours?"

The man replies, "No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer
complaints".

*********************************************************

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and
confidential?"

Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that.

Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential."

*********************************************************

Nominated as the best short joke this year...

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.

[Fanie]

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.

The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."

[Fanie]

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.

The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.

Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"

[Fanie]

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone.

Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her.

In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a hilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.

The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"

"Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."

[Fanie]

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'

'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'

'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. 'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!'

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.
'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'
Another runner moved alongside.
'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?'
'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly.
'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked,
'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'
'Nope..just when it's raining.'

[the1much]

how come cannibals dont eat clowns?????


they taste funny

[brian eiland]

I typed 'Hell' instead of 'Hull' into my Sat-Nav.I still got there.

[ancient kayaker]

Originally Posted by brian eiland

I typed 'Hell' instead of 'Hull' into my Sat-Nav.I still got there.

When I lived in Ottawa the two were considered synonymous . . .

[Angélique]

Originally Posted by brian eiland

I typed 'Hell' instead of 'Hull' into my Sat-Nav.I still got there.

Better pray to Dog then . .

Cheers,
Angel