BOAT JOKES (we need a few laughs)

[brian eiland]

.......

[Fanie]

LOL. Brian I would never have cut the chair !

[ancient kayaker]

- surely a few minutes with some ice cubes . . . mmm . . . maybe not!

[Vulkyn]

I wounder what he said to the beach maintenance team ?

"i seem to have misplaced my balls?"

[alaskamokaiman]

The nuts on this chair are too tight.

[Landlubber]

Paddy is passing by Mick's hay shed one day when through a gap in the door he sees Mick doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson. Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right welly followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers . Grabbing both sides of his check shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay.
'What on earth are you doing Mick' says Paddy.
'Jeez Paddy ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me' says an obviously embarrassed Mick 'but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor . "

[hoytedow]

For the Laurentians, braces mean suspenders.

[hoytedow]

I have to assume a welly is a boot, patterned after the style of the Duke of Wellington.

[Poida]

Jeez Landlubber, isn't it sad when a joke is lost due to the ignorance of the English language.

[Vulkyn]

Originally Posted by alaskamokaiman

The nuts on this chair are too tight.

"Now i know how the nut cracker felt ..."

[Fanie]

A Golfer has been slicing off the tee on every hole.
He asks his Irish caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for his poor
tee shots, to which the caddy replies:

"Aye, there's a piece of **** on the end of your driver. "
The Golfer picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which point the
caddy says: "No, the other end."

[Wynand N]

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. One his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around.

A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, Did you call for me?

The man replies No; what do you mean?

She says, You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection it implies you called for me.

Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts.

Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, Did you call for me? says the hairy man.

No; what do you mean? says the newcomer.

You must be new, says the hairy man, it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me. The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, May I help you? she says.

The man yells, Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.

But sir, she replies, you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities.

The man replies, Listen lady, I'm 68 years old; I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day! I'm outta here.

[Wynand N]

Two 90 yr. old men decided to go to there local whore house one more time before it was to late. They drove to the place together & went in, The Madam asked can I help you guys

The old fellows replied Yes we would like to get screwed one last time before we die.

The Madam thought to herself, I cant give these old pervs two of my good girls. So she decided to get two blow up girls & put them in a not well lit room. Well the two men finished there task & met back @ the car, The first guy asked his buddy How was it?

The old guy replied It was like she was dead, She didn't move, moan or say anything but all in all it was good, What about you?

The other guy replied I think she was a witch

His partner said, What do you mean?

He said Well I bit her & she farted & flew out the window!

[Wynand N]

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency. Our largest condom factory has exploded! the Russian President cried. It's my people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!

Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you, replied the President.

I do need your help said Putin. Could you possibly send 1,000,000condoms ASAP to tide us over?

Why certainly! I'll get right on it,said Bush.

Oh, and one more small favor, please? said Putin.

Yes?

Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10 long and 4 inch diameter? said Putin.

No problem, replied the President.

Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those stupid Americans will fall for anything.

George hung up and called the President of a condom company. I need a favor. You've got to send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia.

Consider it done, said the president of the condom company.

Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10 long and 4 wide.

Easily done. Anything else?

Yeah, said the President, print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE: SMALL' on each one!

[Fanie]

Hello Wynand,

I think you got this one wrong...


Two 90 yr. old men decided to go to there local whore house one more time before it was to late. They drove to the place together & went in, The Madam asked can I help you guys

The old fellows replied Yes we would like to get screwed one last time before we die.

The madam said no problem, so after they paid she indicted two doors, one for each to go through.

They went through the doors, only to find themselves back outside, both doors 'clicked' shut behind them. Amazed they looked back at the doors and there's the sign...

'YOU JUST
GOT SCREWED'