Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull......

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge... Show him your badge!!"

 

Forget Face Detection....now the car will recoqnize the other end

Forget face detection - this Japanese car seat can tell who's sitting on it

http://www.gizmag.com/japanese-car-seat-identification/20947/

I've been saying these damn cars are just getting too complicated...next thing you know they'll tell us when we need to wipe our a__

 

Arsification ?
If it gets implimented by gov it would be analification

 

Niagara Falls http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yJBhzMWJCc

 

New tool to help stop smoking.......















View attachment 65513

Betcha they'd cut back the habit!!

 

Just read a short, but amusing letter to the editor in the morning newspaper, alluding to recent articles outlining the absurdly generous benefits applying to retired parliamentarians.....

" The fact that not one Australian politician has ever been involved in a shark attack proves that professional courtesy is alive and well. "

 

- it also proves conclusively that sharks are more courteous than politicans . . .

 

Although we still don't know what happened to Harold Holt.

Poida

 

You mean you don't believe the Chinese sub picked him up ? A white pointer could have got him, for sure.

 

Speaking of sharks, would you do this?

2:40 into video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSmzhqbuABU&feature=related

 

Definitely a candidate for the Darwin award . . .

 

Tarpon with a side of Human?

 

It's the Keys. Everything has teeth. I have two friends that required over 300 stitches from pissing off sharks (Punters, both got bit while trying to release the shark. They let go, and the shark whipped around and attacked them). All of the backcountry guides have scars on their hands from shark robberies. A fourteen foot hammerhead is pretty special. I haven't seen any over ten, but I spent most of my time on the bayside. The first time I went to the Florida Bay I was towing a stringer of fish behind my canoe going up the Harney river when several dogfish came along and decided to have lunch. That was my introduction to sharks, and it caused me to change my tactics. Now I start the stove before I cast. Screw the light tackle crowd- get the friggin fish in the boat.

 

A skull-dragger after my own heart. Conditioned by the need to pull fish through the sharks with all haste, or land a head, or worse, hook up to a shark.

 

Seems like they need a sign on the beach there "please do not feed the fish yourself"