Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Discussion in 'All Things Boats & Boating' started by brian eiland, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    LOL.

    Wrong forum mate, just ignore.
    (It's for literate bilingual people only :D)

    Sorry
     
    1 person likes this.
  2. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
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    Location: Control Group

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    Koei se kind!

    Die juffrou vra: "Klas, sê vir my wat gee hoenders?"
    Marietjie antwoord: "Eiers, Juffrou."
    "Nou wie kan vir my sê wat gee boerbokke?"
    Sannie sê "Bokmelk, Juffrou."
    "En wat gee 'n koei ons?"
    Jannie antwoord "Wiskunde en huiswerk, Juffrou!"

    Happy Thanksgiving, Fanie!
     
  3. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her
    car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her
    a ride to a nearby town.

    She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was
    uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a
    spine-chilling "Y-e-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" so loud that it echoed from the
    surrounding hills.

    When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station,
    yelled one final "Y-e-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off.

    "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station
    attendant.

    "Nothing," the woman answered. "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put
    my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall
    off."

    "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."
     
  4. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
    Posts: 4,604
    Likes: 177, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 2484
    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all. Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, 'Get well soon. From the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week.'
     
  5. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    I just got scammed out of R250.

    I bought a Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My favourite 18 holes".

    Turns out it’s about golf. Don’t get scammed like I did.
    Pass this on to others.
     
  6. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Likes: 177, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 2484
    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    One day a teacher was talking about marriage in class...

    Teacher : what kind of wife do you like Johnny?

    Johnny : I want a wife like the moon...

    Teacher : wow what a choice...do you want her to be beautiful and calm
    like the moon?

    Johnny : no, I want her to come at night and disappear in the
    morning...
     
  7. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Likes: 177, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 2484
    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    Real reason lol Blackberry:
    I knew it was too good to be true!!!
    What black in this country is going to work 24/7 365 for R60 per month!!!!
     
  8. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    Jan , 'n gelowige man, gaan jag. In die bos storm 'n leeu hom. Hy bid vinnig en desperaat.... "Here, laat dit 'n christelike leeu wees" is al wat hy uitkry . Die leeu stop by Jan, sit sy poot op Jan se kop en se: "Seen Heer die voedsel wat vir my voorgesit is en maak my opreg dankbaar daarvoor. AMEN !!"
     
  9. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Likes: 177, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 2484
    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'

    His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

    The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.

    'Bev', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'

    She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!!
     
  10. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
    Posts: 4,604
    Likes: 177, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 2484
    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego ?"

    "Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
    "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me?
    I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

    "I'd be happy to," said the blonde.. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went..

    Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blond. "What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

    "Yes, I know you did," said the blonde,"but we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World.
     
  11. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

    The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

    The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

    The man replies, "That would be my wife."
     
  12. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel
    across the street.

    They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said,
    "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad ."

    Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye,
    'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as
    well."

    Then they see a Catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen

    said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be dying."
     
  13. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    Black hurricanes

    Well, it appears some of our African-Americans have found yet something else to be pissed about.
    A black congresswoman from Florida has complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding names.

    She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture such as Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal.

    I am NOT Making this up!
    She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in Language that street people can understand because one of the problems that happened in New Orleans was, that black people couldn't understand the seriousness of the situation, due to the racially biased language of the weather report.
    I can hear it now: A weatherman in Miami and Tampa says... "Wazzup, mutha-fukkas!
    Hehr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo *** like Leroy on a crotch rocket!

    ***** be a category fo'! So grab yo' chirren, yo' Ho, be leavin yo crib, and head fo' da nearest guv'ment office fo yo FREE ****!
     
  14. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    JULIUS : Hello, I would like to order some guns, please.

    Gunsmith: Some what? (The line is bad.)

    JULIUS : Guns (Getting louder)

    Gunsmith: Sorry I can hardly hear, please repeat.

    JULIUS : (Very loud now) GUNS! "G" for Jeep, "U" for Europe , "N" for knowledge and "S" for Eskom.

    GUNS!!
     

  15. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
    Posts: 4,604
    Likes: 177, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 2484
    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    Teacher asked to the students, "Children, can you tel why do we call our language the mother tongue, and not the Father tongue?"

    One student answers, "Because in our country the fathers hardly ever get to speak! "
     
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