BOAT JOKES (we need a few laughs)

"any other inputs?" - I'm cryin'!

[RHP]

A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's heavy'.

[hoytedow]

[hoytedow]

Okay, it was funny, but I'm not laughing.







I already finished.

[Sean Herron]

Hello...
Bit of a mish mash - beers on Friday - crew stories - most likely will not make any sense - I found it all funny...
Fish crew gets all pissed up after working the boat and laying her up - Skipper goes to the rail and pukes up - and drops his teeth into the river - runs about the deck for a diver - diver says F'ck that - no you got to go home and get your gear says the Skip' - diver goes home - comes back - suits up and goes over - finds three grand worth of tools in the silt - but no teeth...
Diver goes back home and gets an old set of his Grandfathers teeth and presents them to the boat skipper...
Boat skipper says great - but seems that the salt water effects them a bit...
Beers on Friday - always good stuff...
SH.

[RHP]

A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting.
'What's up?' she asks.
I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband..
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son comes up
And says, "Mummy mummy Aunty Shirley is hiding in the wardrobe & she has no clothes on"
The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom right past her husband..
Yanks open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.
'You rotten Bitch', she screams.
'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked playing hide and seek with the kids!!'

[troy2000]

A brunette goes to the doctor. "doctor," she says, "it hurts everywhere I touch myself. It hurts when I touch my face or nose, it hurts when I touch my belly, it even hurts when I touch my elbow."

The doctor examines her and asks, "did you used to be blonde?"

"Yes; why?"

"Your finger's broken."

[ancient kayaker]

Extract from the New Feminist Bible For The 21st Century:

Genesis 1:26
And when God came to make Man, She decided to incorporate some new features. These did not turn out so well and were omitted on Model II. Models I and II were both placed into the Garden of Eden for evaluation by the Serpent, who discovered a few remaining bugs, and they were rejected. Testing of Model III has been placed on hold due to the number of recalls of Models I and II.

[ancient kayaker]

Extract from "Social Science Textbook 101" -

"when 2 men have a problem they butt heads to see who has to fix it. When 2 women have a problem they tell the nearest man to fix it."

Just thot I'd give y'all somethin' to make a card from for Easter.

[hoytedow]

Mas will like this one:

What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?
One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny!

[hoytedow]

Many of us can relate to this one:

What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards?



A receding hareline.

[Wynand N]

Traffic cop pulls car over for speeding and as he walked to the car, driver opened his window and the cop whacked him good with an open hand slap through the face.

"Whats that for" cried the driver

"For wasting my time, when you open the window, your license must be in your hand" replied the cop.

With that the cop walk around to the passenger side and when the passenger had his window opened, the cop gave him a terrible slap on the snout.

"whats that for" cried the passenger, "Im not the driver and had done nothing wrong" weeps the guy.

"I was doing you a favor" replied the lawman

"Explain that" cried the passenger.

"well, its like this. When you guys leave here and before you traveled a 100 meters you would have said, 'that ******* cop wouldn't have pulled that **** with me"

[Fanie]

Big brother was slowly driving down the street in his Ford Piranha 3L when some lo life shouted to him 'hey you Cnut !'
Wel big broter stopped and tuned the guy 'Who do you call HEY ?'

[hoytedow]

OK, Fanie. That one went entirely over my head.