BOAT JOKES (we need a few laughs)

[Frosty]

When I learned to cut and paste I thought it was fantastic.

I am bad at remembering jokes but this one; "Four nuns..." I am going to steal from Richard and use myself!
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[Frosty]

We are all bad at remembering jokes so you can go back to page one and start again.

..............."Repeat"

[Fanie]

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my husband purchased a week of personal training for me at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
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MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
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TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me..
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WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other **** too.
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THURSDAY:
A******e was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
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FRIDAY:
I hate that b****** Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
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SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
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SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Originally Posted by Frosty

When I learned to cut and paste I thought it was fantastic.

So then,

if you know already how it goes, do´nt be shy! Copy and paste us some good ones, like we all did!

[Frosty]

244 pages 4 / 5 to a page thats ---errr --a lot of jokes. Im afraid I might be telling a joke I got from here already.

[Redtick]

CNN reported today that a Texas A&M study group announced that after 5 years and 3 million dollars, they concluded the reason dogs lick their balls is that they can’t make a fist with their paw.

[Frosty]

I dont know if thats true redtick but this is.

American students were given a grant of 20,000 dollars to investigate why prisoners don't like prison.

[Landlubber]

....buggered if I know why they would not like prison, here they get fed 3 times a day, have TV, get paid, fully clothed, heated accomodation, library with books that even I cannot afford.....some of them commit crimes just to get "back home"........

[Frosty]

Hell yeah --thats were I leaned to play table tennis.

[Fanie]

Yes, you got quite well over time as well

Good night Frosty, it's morning here

[masalai]

I think on the news in OZ someone said $200000 pa to keep each one in incarceration, I would be prepared to stay within the precincts of a Hilton and reduce the cost if I had to go to jail, and even help with some of the housework as well as reduce the costs to the state, boost the leisure market economy and contribute positively to the GDP...

I hope to never need to test that offer

Originally Posted by masalai

I think on the news in OZ someone said $200000 pa to keep each one in incarceration, I would be prepared to stay within the precincts of a Hilton and reduce the cost if I had to go to jail, and even help with some of the housework as well as reduce the costs to the state, boost the leisure market economy and contribute positively to the GDP...

I hope to never need to test that offer

You´re in serious danger of getting arrested! Promoting sensible solutions for a problem politicians are not aware of, is at least insane, if not a crime.

[masalai]

Whaaaat, do you mean I may win a free holiday? - never been so lucky....