Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

We have 'em in Alaska, too. I almost hit one once (but missed). They even sometimes occupy the same space as brown bears - how they get away with that, I don't know...

 

Hi Ancient, see if you can find it, I'm sure it's good.

We have a similar problem with baboons. These inmates are extremely strong, a large male weighs around 80kg's, have teeth the size of your fingers and they are very agressive. They are known to rip a dog's stomache open with their nails.

The old witch's parients lives on a farm. I have seen a young baboon getting out of a tree to take on a big fit boerboel (whatever they're called in English) and really mess it up. The baboon uses it's teeth to bite the indside of the dog's mouth while kicking deep gashes wherever it can. Not pretty. The dog is out of action for a week or two while the baboon carries on as if nothing happened.

The picture says 'looking for work, does anything, donations more welcome'

In the old days (before the workd got as ****** up as it is now) there was a guy that had a tame baboon he took with him when he goes to a local bar. The baboon became an alcoholic and started taking drinks off'n the customers. If they resist he would attack them. They had to put him down because of this.

I stole these pics off google. Baboons also yawn when they are agressive, just like hippo's do.

Since these buggers are natural climbers and jumpers, how do you keep them out anywhere...

 

Ha, I have another story, also true. Happened just after our last trip there to catch some tiger fish. The heading in my e-mail said

'Crock saved from man attack'

At the Jozini dam some guys, well oiled with beer and brandy, were about to take their boat out of the water. The one holding the boat was in the water to his hips, maybe slightly deeper. While waiting for his buddy to reverse the trailer in, a smallish crock of about two meters attacked him. Apparently it bit him on the shoulder.

But as you know brandy has no brakes. The guy was immediately so infuriated that he dragged the coc out of the water and started to beat it merciless with his fists

They had to drag him off the croc, which was released back into the dam.

 

I have heard of some well oiled guys going for a nightly swim on one of our beaches. While splashing (falling) around in the waves one of them noticed a tail sticking out of the water, cruising by.

So naturally he grabbed it and held on while shouting shark shark ! His buddies complied, and they all jumped the, I'm sure, surprised shark. They carried it out of the water. No one was bitten or hurt. I don't know if they put the unfortunate shark back. I'm sure most of the drink's effect has worn off by then

 

Fanie...

Hello...
I want to see some pics of the running board flame thrower thingees - that disable or blind the 'BB' - car jackers...
Is this lot true in SA ...
Sounds like great stuff...
SH.

 

Very true. Since very little is done to oppose these jackers, - and they lock you up if you defend yourself with force - some guys started going a bit overboard
The mind is willing but the flesh is weak...

The flame thrower is actually nothing more than a flame burner, the sudden flames close or around the jacker is supposed to scare him, but that's about it.

A real flame thrower on the other hand, now that would be the right tool for hijackers. Get rid of the rubbish. We have the same handicap as everyone else have with pirates. That is what's wrong with the world, they cherish and protect the **** and the result is lots and lots and lots of good and innocent is destroyed.

Sorry, not a joke but there were, despite the so called 16 day thing against woman and child abuse here, four small girls ***** in schools - in one week. That's their way to say fcuk off, we don't care about your campaigns, we'll show you we do what we want and who's going to stop us. What's more is it get kept very quiet by the scools, scared they will be kicked under the bum, so it just gets worse and worse.

Time for SA to discover some huge oil fields here so the US can visit us too for a change. I don't see why cuntries like Iraque gets all the attention.
Besides mugabe has been pokin his stick deep enough into the UK guy's butts, and twisting it, don't you think ? Come on UK guys, piss in you veins ?

First thing to resolve is to get rid of the UN. Then clean a couple of places on the planet (like sweeping the dirt and rubbish out of the house) and one can live again for a while. Nothing to do with religion, each have a right to his own, but get rid of the trouble makers and life breakers.

How's that for a bit of truth

 

Oh oh, the flame thrower thing. I got distracted there a bit.

Of course in SA you can piss in the street, mug, hijack, basically do what you want as long as they don't catch you, BUT JUST DON"T F SMOKE.

THEN you're in deep ****.

Of course us whities doesn't piss in public. We sneak into a corner with a pine nut bottle, silently doing what we do, smack the lid back on and sneak it back in the mobile cooldrink sellers fridge. We are preparing for the 2010 soccer thing here now, you know.

 

My God, I feel for you. Good luck there. When I was a kid I always thought that SA was Heaven on Earth and that I would one day call it home. If it's any consolation, they are trying to do the same things here, only our Madiba was never a terrorist (that we know).

 

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have
turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the
children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart
and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would
keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW

 

Bad Pickup Lines...

Hello...

Not really a joke - just a thought....

Say you are living on a 30 foot sail boat and one night you decide to go out to a bar...
You are buying drinks and getting along with nice woman and she invites you over to her place...
You get excited and blurt out the first thought that comes to your mind...
'DO YOU HAVE A BATHTUB WITH HOT RUNNING WATER'...

A slap across the face would be next I imagine...
I am looking forward to trying same...

SH.

 

If a slap is what you are looking for, that should do it!

 

If you seek the other suggest "on these cold nights in a hot bath could be interesting?"

 

Sean, insist on the Jacuzzi, you deserve it!

 

Whats a slap?

I know that a slapper is a lady of ill repute. But slap??

Oh I know,---No, that cant be it.