Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no -- he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from the party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line.
Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery.
The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.
A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. Joe is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the police car, with all its lights still flashing.

True story, told by the driver at his first AA meeting.

 

It is important to find a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job

It is important to find a woman who can make you laugh.

It is important to find a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

It is important to find a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

It is very important that these four women don't know each other

 

A lot of good jokes. Couldn't you however, at least write the word"boat" somewhere? Just to make them appear to be the Boat Jokes material...?

(Noah's joke is good though...)

 

Two guys in a marina with identical boats, only one guy has girls in bikinis visiting him every day where the other guy has none.

One sunny afternoon he sees that his buddy has a load of bikini clad girls on his bow, he walked across and said "hey ship mate,-- how come you have loads of girls and I have none" The guy looked him up and down and said" well you dont look too good, why dont you get yourelf a tight pair of speedos ,--the girls love that.

So off he goes to the Swim shop and buys a pair of speedos. He immediately goes back and puts on his speedos and stands up on deck. 2 hours go buy and not one girl looks at him or his boat.

He goes back to the guy and says ' hey I got the speedos and nothing is happening" the guy looks him up and down and says" well you don't look too good ,--your not packing anything, you know. Go to the shop and buy a large potato and put it down your speedos.

So off he goes and buys a big potato and puts it down his speedos. He walks about for 2 hours and nothing,--infact the girls are now running away from him.

He goes back to the guy and says "hey I got the potato and put it down my speedos and nothing has happened infact they are now running away. The guy looks him up and down and says. Ohhh geeeezuz ---your supposed to put the potato down the front not the back.

 

Well, they are in sailor outfits...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvPugOWeZiA
and it's funny.
and sad, but all of Queensland got together and put on a fund-raiser to help deal with the mice and I think it would be respectful of us to at least watch Masalai in the Finale...what say we throw him a few points!

 

Is this how Tiger got hurt?

 

For maasrapido:
It is important to find a boat who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job

It is important to find a boat who can make you laugh.

It is important to find a boat who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

It is important to find a boat who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

It is very important that these four boats don't know each other

 

With some jokes you have to rely on the reader's intelligence to assume boats are present. Noah built a boat, ok, oh I know they called the thing an arc but it probably had too much rocker any way.

 

"Roaring, beating, pah! That's nothing. When I sneeze ten million people **** themselves!" - - Fanie - It was a pig, (swine flu) as avian flu is old stuff - and did nit spread well enough so it was re-mixed...

 

But of course it was. Do you think they would allow flue to stop ? But since you have to reference it to boats, it may well have been brought over with a BOAT.

I know for sure they transported pigs with a boat before because I once saw pigs on a boat in a movie...

 

A boat, a boat and a boat sailed into a sandbar. The sandbarkeeper looked at them and said, "What is this, some kind of a boat joke?"

 

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blond (on a BOAT) was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long...

 

Very good, Hoyt. Funnily(ha!) enough I used the same pun in my clue for 'where is this.' I thought it was getting easy now with the pics, but I'm not getting any bites...

Now then:

A SAILOR walked into a bar and asked the barmaid for a double entendre. The barmaid gave him one.

 

She must have asked him if he wanted some (boat)pie.

 

Not quite a joke but still funny -

About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone by the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room.

I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady.I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.

As we left the dining room one evening i caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises". She replied, "yes, that's true."

I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied, without a pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing home". So, there will be no nursing homes in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:

1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service, which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week.

3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

5 They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

6. I get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.

7. T.V. broken? Light bulb needs changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.

8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.

9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare; if you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

Now for the best part! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go so don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.

P.S. If you die they just toss your body over the side of the boat.